A cleaning

Yesterday I put a sleepy Obi in his crib, tip toed out his room, silently closed his door and then I rolled up my sleeves.  There was an immense amount of cleaning that needed to be done.  There were layers of dust that I really must not speak too much about.  People think that I am neat and clean and tidy, and as I told a sweet friend...that is kind of true, but not entirely, however I do take pride (maybe too much?) in the fact that people think that of me.

Regardless, I needed to do some major scrubbing.  This is, it wasn't just my house that needed me to put in some elbow grease. My heart and mind needed some cleaning too.  I have had so much on my mind the past few months with some family issues. I don't do very well if I just sit still and think.  I start to "pile". My husband, in his wisdom...or exasperation, (not sure which) always tells me that when I am upset I start to "pile".  I start building little mounds.  My process goes like this: "___ is wrong", "if ___is wrong, then that means that ___is going to be a mess too", and so on and so forth.  I recognize that this is my tendency, so hence, the cleaning of my house. 

As I went to work on my ceiling fan I was reminded to go back to the ultimate truth that I know; that God has all things under control.  God is at work.  All things really do work out for good.  Why? Well, because He has promised that they will, and because He does not sleep.  Nothing has squeaked past our Good Shepard.  Read this:

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

 ¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

 ² My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

 ⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
       will neither slumber nor sleep.

 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
       the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

 ⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
       nor the moon by night.

 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
       he will watch over your life;

 ⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
       both now and forevermore.

Ahh...doesn't that soothe the soul?! As I gave my dear oven a little tender care I was reminded that it is the times when we can't see clearly or we don't have things all figured out that we are brought back to our knees.  A place that I need to be more often.  How amazing that I can have a conversation with my Heavenly Father.  More amazing is that He cares to listen and converse back with me. 

When the hard times are over I always look back and cherish them.  Why? Becuase they were sweet? Absolutely not! But because the ways in which my Jesus brings me closer to Himself through those times are priceless.  I am fickle of heart and not very strong in my faith.  But, Jesus goes nowhere. Every time I seek Him, I find Him!!  Going through my tribulation that brought me my Obadiah was rough, but one in which I truly saw the Lord lavish His love upon me. His mercies were new every morning.  If it was true at that moment, then it certainly is true now and in this situation.

So, as I began wiping down my windows I began to think of a song that I sing to Obi every day...

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

 

I wrapped up my cleaning as Mr. Obi opened up his eyes and let me know it was snack time.  I have been given such a tangible gift of God's goodness and faithfulness!  My heart and mind needed that cleaning time, and I don't suppose that it hurt my house any. :-)

Thanksgiving

It is the eve of Thanksgiving.  This holiday has always been celebrated in my family, but since my family is Canadian we also celebrated their thanksgiving too, which is in October.  When home with my folks these are a few of the things that I so enjoy about this holiday...
- The smell of the turkey roasting.
- A crazy flurry of activity the day before as we prepare the meal to be cooked the next day.
- The morning of, we all gather in our pjs and spend time laughing and talking over breakfast and coffee.
- Watching the parade on tv in the background.
- FOOD! (if you know me at all, then you would know that food is one of my favorite loves. It is a weakness of mine.)
- Family...growing up my family moved a lot, no better said, we moved all the time!! The only thing we had that was consistent in life was each other.  It has made us a close family and we cherish the time we get to spend together.

This Thanksgiving I am spending it with my husband's family in Kansas.  Their traditions are a little different than mine, but there will be a lot of love to go around.  Love and pickled hering. I could do without the pickled hering, but Jason's grandpa makes up for it by frying up some of his famous homemade potato chips.  Nothing like chips AND turkey on the same day! Some things really are just too good to be true.  (I did mention that I liked food, right?)

There are many thing that I am thankful for this year.  Most of those things are wrapped up in my husband and my son.  God has so richly blessed me and I am more than humbled by the way that the Lord has provided for me, and I don't mean just money wise.  There have been a lot of changes in my life in the past year. Questions that I was asking. Plans that needed to be made. Adjustments that were coming. Many things could have gone "wrong", but didn't. It has been a year where I have learned to walk a little closer to the Lord and trust Him in ways that I didn't before. If for no other reason, that is enough to be Thankful for. I've seen ways in which God's faithfulness and mercies are new every morning. There are still many thing that I am praying for and are heavy on my heart, but from living this past year I really KNOW that God will take care of those things in ways that are beyond my understanding.  God is working in the big and the small details of my life. He is working in yours too.  And so, I am thankful. Humbly thankful. I feel like this is a perfect time to reflect on God's goodness to me as I head into the Christmas season.  Holidays are great. I did mention the food, right? But holidays can get me off track of what their real purpose is.  I don't want to do that through this holiday season.

One of the top things that I am so thankful for tonight is that my little nephew made it safely into this world yesterday morning.  Mr. Henry Paul Smith was 7lbs. 3oz. and 21 inches long.  At 20 weeks the doctor thought he might have downs syndrome or heart/brain defects. We prayed and were trying not to worry since God knew what He was doing when He created this little boy. I am thrilled to say that Henry is perfectly healthy and doing famously.  Apparently he has a head full of blonde hair and looks strikingly like my niece, Isabella.  I haven't seen a picture of him yet, but I am in love with my little nephew already. Just another reason of how God is good.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  Enjoy your turkey, family, nap, shopping, rest, and time of being thankful.

list

Two years ago for Christmas my Mother-in-law bought me a sewing machine!  I LOVE it.  But, I have never had the time to truly devote to sewing projects like I would have hoped.  In my dreams, albeit wild dreams, I would love to have an etsy site where I can sell some of my "masterpieces".  I have a whole list of things that I would like to start in on. Curious?

Some fun burp cloths...

And paci holders that are a little more color coordinate-able (is that a word?)

I love these little pillowcase dresses...and though I don't have a girly yet, it would be fun to make some to sell!

Or, how about a cute bag to haul all those baby (or non baby) necessities?

I love the look of these taggie blankets, and totally want to try to make one (or two)...

And, maybe a few of this cute wipe cases:

I have a feeling I am being a little over ambitious right now, but a girl can dream big, right?!  My sewing skills aren't amazing, so it will take me a while to get it all right, but I am totally pumped to start in on these.  I'll be sure to take some pictures of my completed projects when/if they happen!

As of tomorrow it will have been six whole months since I last worked.  Well, let me correct that statement...since I last worked at an office.  Since I last worked? Hmm...2 hrs, 49 min. :-) Jason and I were talking about different jobs in the world and he was commenting that I would love working at a place like Williams Sonoma. I thought about it for 3 seconds and then thought nope...I LOVE my current job.  You know, each day as Obadiah can do more and more, my job gets more rewarding. The dirty diapers aren't really a perk, but giggles I get when my Obi has a clean bum sure are!  I had someone comment to me the other day that she wasn't made to stay at home all day.  Frankly, I am not sure I have met anyone who was meant to be inside all day, every day.  It is true, there have been a few days when I have had to resort to going to Wal-Mart for a little excursion.  Glamorous? Not quite. But hey...I get to say hello to the greeters and the check-out person...so it isn't all that bad!  I am so thankful for

On a separate note, there are some things that have been weighing on my mind lately.  So, I've been praying.  I haven't seen the Lord answer the prayers yet, but I have seen Him at work at my heart as I have been praying.  Perhaps that is equally as important as the answer to the prayer itself. I am continually reminded of how the scriptures talk about how when we seek the Lord with our whole hearts He will be found!  I want that to be true of me.  I do not want to live with a divided heart, but rather as one that is completely seeking after the Lord. I have a looooooong ways to go.

Sweet friends

This Friday I went to a birthday party for one of my best friends.  Here is a picture of Elizabeth's sweet family!  I love this family to pieces.

Her two precious girls!  Couldn't be any sweeter if they tried.

It was so wonderful to spend time with her and two other treasured friends.  I know that I am a blessed girl. I have a beautiful little family and could not ask for much more than what I've got.  But I also have been given some friendships that I know will last for my lifetime.  These are the women that I have cried with, laughed with and just been quiet with.  These are the girls that show me unconditional love and support. I wish that everyone was as blessed as I.

Love you girls!  Thanks for your friendship.  I cherish you.

15 weeks

Obi,

Fifteen weeks ago tonight we were holding you in our arms for the very first time. We knew life was going to change...and it has. But at the same time, it feels like you've been a part of our lives forever and so life is very much un-changed. 

I know that every momma thinks that their baby is best.  But, the secret between you and I is that YOU really ARE the best. You rarely cry, unless something is wrong.  Your little squeeky voice is like music to my ears when you "talk".  We listen to a lot of that music at our house!! Every day is a new discovery for you.  You are constantly inspecting things and checking out all that goes on around you.  The only way that you will nap is if it is just you and I here at the house and there is nothing much going on.  If there is a party happening, then my dear boy, you want to be in the middle of it.  I would like to take this time to tell you that naps are our friends! :-)

You bring so much joy to our lives and we are ever so thankful that God chose to send us you.  We are more than a little humbled!  You bring out the best in both your dad and I.  We adore being your parents and we wouldn't change anything. I am not wishing this time away because already I miss the newborn Obi, but I am so excited for when you are able to do all the stuff that I know you are dying to do!  We are going to have a blast together my son.

Your full head of hair is now just a fluffy patch on the top of your head.   It doesn't stick up as much as it used to, but you are starting to get a bunch of fuzz all over your head.  Hmmm...will it be blonde? or brown?  I think it will be blonde, just like your daddy!  People stop me everywhere we go and they comment on what an adorable baby you are (yes, I admit to having a bit of pride about that fact).  If they know your daddy, the very next thing they tell me is that you look just like him. I am alright with that.  You are just not allowed to pull all the stunts that he did when he was little, ok?!


Son, I am praying that the seeds we are sowing in your life will rest on good soil.  I love that you are cute and smart and funny, but more than anything, I want for you to love Jesus!  We are praying blessings over your life.  May you live up to the meaning of your name Obadiah: servant of God.

You are much loved by me (and your daddy)!

Mom

all blown out

You know when you hear the pipes in your kitchen sink start to gurgle and just bubble.  You wait with antcipation of something bad happening, and 99.9% of the time nothing bad does happen.  Today I found out that those statistics are not quite so high when your baby's "pipes" start to rumble.  Yes folks, today I had to strip my child down twice because there was poo all the way up his back and starting to make it's way toward his hairline. Both times I happened to be holding him.  Once at a place where it was fully appropriate to strip him down to his skin, and once at a really fun/fancy restaurant with all of the people from a photo studio sitting at the table with us.  The second place was not quite as appropriate as the first, so we marched out to the car, I popped the trunk and laid my sweet, smiling baby in the trunk and proceed to pull his wet, stinky, slimy outfit off.  For the record, a trunk works very well for changing a messy baby. Poor Obi though, I had only brought one clean outfit with me today, so I had to put him in his jacket and then my sweater. I am guessing this won't be the first time that I will have to give up my clothes in order to keep my baby warm.  Mental note to self: pack at least TWO clean outfits, you just never know when things are going to blow up, or...out! 

After two weeks of being sick myself, I am finally well!  My darling baby boy started with a fever on Wednesday night and since I am a new parent, and since swine flu is going around, I decided to do the mature and wise thing and take my sweet Obi to the doctor.  His lungs, ears and throat were clear, but the doctor put him on Tamiflu for his other symptoms.  After listening to what the doctor said about swine flu, I am guessing that that is what I had for two weeks.  We are MUCH better now.  Ready to dive back into life with full force.

I've made my decision.  About school. I am going to say farewell to my books, professors, and my homework.  I feel confident about this decision.  There will be things that I will greatly miss about my grad school program. But, there are things that I would miss a great deal more if I continued! When I started with school I wasn't sure when a baby would make his/her way to our front door.  Now that my son is here I don't want to trade anything else for time with him.  I absolutely adore being his mommy, and for me, this is the right decision. There may be days when I want to do something other than change diapers, wipe a nose, and pick up toys.  I will tackle those days when they come.  If and when the day comes that it is right for our family for me to return to school then I will gladly go. Right now I gladly am staying home. I prayed about this decision and feel at peace about it.

Obi and I are heading to St. Louis tomorrow with Jason.  He has to go for work and since he's been gone so much lately, the two of us decided to tag along with him.  It's a bit of a spur of the moment decision, but we are excited to go see fabulous St. Lou together.  I used to recruit in St. Louis, but this will be my first time there as a non-working girl. 

I'll give you an update as to how our little road trip goes!

A tub for the Baby

We did it!  I made it to Colorado and back by myself with a 12 week old baby.  The ladies at the Denver TSA gave me the award for "most creative use of the tub".  See, I was struggling to figure out what to do with my wobbly 12 week old Obi while I took off my shoes and jacket, collapsed the stroller, took out my laptop, and put all that stuff...as well as the diaper bag onto the conveyer belt to be scanned.  I obviously couldn't put him on the floor, so I made use of the tubs and made one into a little baby carrier for a few moments.  Obi didn't seem to mind too much, which was a good thing since there was a line of people waiting to put their posessions on the belt after me.  As for the flights, my baby didn't cry once.  Not on the way there, not on the way home.  It's official: I have a fabulous baby! I mean, I knew that was true...but it was nice to have it confirmed yet again.

Our trip to Colorado was good.  There was some tough stuff, but it was a great time of visiting with my family and loving on each other during a time of need.  I was reminded about what is important in life. I am blessed to have people in my life with whom I can love, support, draw support, cry, laugh, and just be who I am without judgement. My family has warts, but what family doesn't? What my family does have is a lot of love for each other, and that is what matters!

I am exhausted, so I am heading to bed...but I just wanted to post briefly to say that we are home again and that God has once again proven Himself to be faithful. I saw that evidenced in both the big and the small details of this trip.  God is good, in so very many ways.

it's so unfair

Guess what?  When I woke up this morning, I woke up at my house in Arkansas. There are dirty dishes in my sink, homework that is begging to be done, a living room that needs to be picked up, and a dog that wants a walk (but it is misty rainy). Guess where my husband woke up? In Cologne, Germany.  He got to go walk through cobblestone streets, drink FABULOUS German coffee, not to mention drink in the lovely German culture.  Yeah, I suppose he does have to work while he is there...but can it really be called work when he is in Germany?  No, I think not!  I am not green with envy because I really am excited for him to go and experience it, but I don't mind saying that IT'S NOT FAIR that I didn't get to go too.

Obadiah and I are headed out to Colorado later this week, so that kinda makes up for the unfairness of the situation.  ;-)  Obi will get to meet his uncles and aunt and his Grandpa.  I can't wait to take pictures of them all together and to spend time.  I don't get to see my family as often as I would like.  The last time that we were all together was last Christmas...I've only seen my mom and my youngest brother since then.  I am thankful for this opportunity to be with them.

I've got a lot of thoughts rattling around in my head at the moment.  Some are of consequence, some are not.  I was talking with my husband the other day and he made a comment about how he thought that after I stopped working I wouldn't have so many things going on and that I wouldn't be stressed.  It made me think that though my situation may change, I can still busy myself to the point of stress.  I've been thinking of what it means to be still before the Lord.  How do we carry on our every day routines while still living in His rest?  I am learning a lot about prayer at this moment in my life.  I am continually having to pray and give my thoughts (good, bad, worrisome) to the Lord and give Him charge of what goes on in my life.  I want to be led by the still waters and when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death to know, feel and believe that God is with me...because He IS!

Ode to Food

So a few weeks ago Jason and I broke down and re-upped our cable.  It was mostly becuase it was just SO quiet around the house after Obi was born and mom had gone back home. It was starting to get a little lonely.  I think we've decided to call the cable company back though and have them disconnect it, yet again. Why, you may ask?  Good question. Well, most of it has to do with the fact that there is very little to watch on tv that is decent.  Does anyone remember the days when TLC used to really be "The Learning Channel"? Or that the history channel had more shows that were historical in nature, rather than the repetitive shows about the impending doom upon the world if we just happen to run into a meteorite that is large enough to blow us off our usual orbit.  I just can't stomach the show after show that say the world is gonna end tomorrow so we better stop using extra-soft tp and run our cars on recycled corn oil just in case we can stop that meteorite from hitting us! 

But I digress.  If we do give it up again the one channel that I will ALWAYS miss is the Food Network. Oh how I love it!  I could soak up every minute of Paula Dean, Ina Garten and Bobby Flay.  Alton Brown, I learned how to truly scramble an egg from you. I watch the Iron Chef and smugly think that I could surely do as good of a job as any of the competitors do.  I'd die to be one of the guests at Giada's patio table. Well, in honor of my love for the food network, and well...just food in general...I made some Orange Cranberry scones tonight to take to Bible study tomorrow. In the words of Rachel Ray: Yum-O! Barefoot Contessa, you are my new virtual best friend.  You have just made this girl in the middle of Nowhere, Arkansas, feel like she's just become a little more civilized.  So, pass the butter and the orange marmalade.   Here's the recipe:
nocoupons

• 4 cups plus 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup sugar, plus additional for sprinkling
• 2 tablespoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 tablespoon grated orange zest
• 3/4 pound cold unsalted butter, diced
• 4 extra-large eggs, lightly beaten
• 1 cup cold heavy cream
• 1 cup dried cranberries
• 1 egg beaten with 2 tablespoons water or milk, for egg wash
• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, plus 2 tablespoons
• 4 teaspoons freshly squeezed orange juice

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, mix 4 cups of flour, 1/4 cup sugar, the baking powder, salt and orange zest. Add the cold butter and mix at the lowest speed until the butter is the size of peas. Combine the eggs and heavy cream and, with the mixer on low speed, slowly pour into the flour and butter mixture. Mix until just blended. The dough will look lumpy! Combine the dried cranberries and 1/4 cup of flour, add to the dough, and mix on low speed until blended.

Dump the dough onto a well-floured surface and knead it into a ball. Flour your hands and a rolling pin and roll the dough 3/4-inch thick. You should see small bits of butter in the dough. Keep moving the dough on the floured board so it doesn't stick. Flour a 3-inch round plain or fluted cutter and cut circles of dough. Place the scones on a baking pan lined with parchment paper. Collect the scraps neatly, roll them out, and cut more circles.

Brush the tops of the scones with egg wash, sprinkle with sugar, and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until the tops are browned and the insides are fully baked. The scones will be firm to the touch. Allow the scones to cool for 15 minutes and then whisk together the confectioners' sugar and orange juice, and drizzle over the scones.

Random thoughts

Tonight I have nothing profound to write about, just some random thoughts and questions like,

- Why do most people have their blinds/curtains closed all the time?  Seriously, every time I go for a walk (usually during the day) almost no window has it's curtains open. Why not let the sunshine in?  No wonder some people suffer fromd depression and seasonal affective disorder! I would too if I lived in a house that was rarely opened up to the beautiful day.

- Every year I say that I want to grow a garden.  This year I didn't becuase let's face it, I couldn't bend over! I know it's not time for new year's resolutions yet, but I am going to take some time this spring and really plan out a garden for this next summer/fall.  I am so wishing that I had some fall veggies that I could harvest right about now.

- I went on a walk today and it smelled like fall.  Apparently the fall smell really is just moldy rotting leaves that have fallen and gotten wet and are now decomposing.  Who knew that mold could smell so good? And, isn't it amazing at how you don't smell fall for months and then that first whiff of it in October is so familiar?

- In the middle of September I joined a ladies Bible study and we are going through the Book of Daniel.  I am LOVING it!!  There is so much to glean from that book and so much of it I've overlooked in the past.  Also, I am having to eat my words.  I've always been a scoffer of women's Bible studies (my brothers were also fellow scoffers), mainly because it seemed like, well, a pansy thing to belong to.  You know, just mushy ladies that only talk about the gentle side of God.  This study is anything but that. And, maybe becuase I am now a mom and a "stay at home-er" that I crave interaction with other women, other mom's.

- This weekend I was in the library at the University of Arkansas feeding Obi (I know, I know...a random place to feed my kid) and well...there were only about 5 people in the room we were in, but Obi tooted while he was eating.  It wasn't a quiet toot either, he just let it rip! All of the sudden I was really questioning my judgement for choosing the library, of all places, to nurse Obi.  At least the Korean dude sitting across from me didn't seem too disturbed.

That's all I got for tonight folks.  Have a great week!

A thing that totally stinks!

So, I have a new "thing" list that needs to be added to the below post.

Things that totally stink:
- Baby's first shots...I am still not exactly sure which one of us it hurt most, him or me?! My sweet baby almost never cries, and in fact I have only heard him out and out scream just two or three times. The shots though, gosh...he screamed when they gave them to him, and then a few hours later you could just tell he felt awful. He was crying and screamed and wouldn't be consoled, that has never happened! So, we went and bought some baby tylenol and that has helped immensely.

On a positive note though, he is 23.5 inches long, 13lbs. 10oz., and growing very well. The doctor said that he is a nicely proportioned child that is on the big (NOT fat) side of average. We just may have a tall kid on our hands one day!

Ok, that's it for tonight. I need to get a few things done before his tylenol wears off.

things

I have been horrible at keeping this blog updated. My darling baby is now two months old. The time has FLOWN by! I can't believe that nine weeks ago I was in the hospital with a brand new baby. It feels like he has been a part of "us" for much longer than nine weeks. For the most part the transition has been super smooth and we've adjusted really well to having Mr. Obi as our son.

Things that have surprised me:
- baby fingernails grow really fast
- how much I love my video baby monitor, it is so helpful
- that I need to pack a change of clothes for myself along with Obi's diaper bag
- I really miss regular coffee
- that I DID eat a lot of dairy....didn't think I did until I had to refrain...sad day!
- my motivation to do homework went from medium to zero
- jumbo and mega packs of diapers seemed like a never ending supply. this is not true, the supply ends rather quickly.

Things that drive me crazy:
- Pooka shutting himself in the bathroom when he wants attention.
- that my cell phone always rings just after I have started to feed Obi

Things that I didn't think about before Obi was born:
- that I don't know the words to nursery rhymes or lullaby's, kinda hard to sing to him if I don't know the words!
- BIG dilema...what to do...load the groceries, then the baby? the baby, then the groceries? what about the shopping cart? Does that go back after the baby is in the car? take the baby with the cart back to the stall, and then carry the baby back to the car? AGH...these instructions weren't in the mommy manual.

Things that I love:
- the smell of my baby right after he gets out of the bathtub
- when Jason talks to Obi and tells him about the fun things they are going to do together
- going on walks together as a family
- snuggling together
- listening to Obi try and "talk" to me
- staying home, instead of going to work

There are lots more things in each category to be sure, but I can't think of any more right now.

This thing called school

There is a huge dilemma staring me down at the moment, it is this thing called school. You see, I started my masters program almost two years ago. I've been taking classes year round, with the exception of the 8 weeks I took off while having Obi. There are a few things that I have said regarding my continuing education...

"I'll just work 10-15, at most 20, hours a week after I graduate."

"I want to do something with my life, more than just being a stay at home mom."

"If something were to happen to Jason, I don't know that I could provide for our family very well on just my bachelor's degree."

"I want to help people."

The thing is, that once I had my little Obi, it was like the world changed for me. I don't want to go anywhere for 10-15, at most 20 hours a week!! I want nothing more that to be with my little boy and be his mommy. I don't want to miss out on anything in his life. The nights that I have to go to class are awful. Not that going to class is that hard, but I just dread it all day long. I have ZERO motivation to do homework (which is not a good thing). My biggest problem is that after this semester is over I will start my practicum. Between the practicum hours and the classes I need to take in order to graduate by May 2011, I will be gone from him at least 20 hours a week, probably more every week until graduation!!

So, I am weighing my options...

1. Carry on and just push through.
2. Delay graduation and take a slower pace.
3. See if there isn't a program at another university that I could transfer to and just graduate with a master's without being licensed to counsel.
4. Quit altogether.

I am praying. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel guilty for wanting to quit, I feel as though I am letting everyone around me down. Who knows why I feel that way. I feel guilty for just wanting to be a mom. What I do know is that guilt is not of the Lord. I do know that my "doing something with my life" is not determined by having a masters degree. I was going to quit the second week of classes, but decided to go ahead and finish out this semester in order to give myself time to think, process, pray and decide.

I am thankful that I have a VERY supportive husband who doesn't care what I do as long as in the end I am happy. What would I do without this best friend of mine? I am sure that once we are all sleeping through the night and Obi isn't eating every three hours during the day that it will get a lot easier and I may feel different than I do right now. I don't know...so again, I am just praying for wisdom and discernment. I know that God will be faithful to give me an answer, and in the meantime, walk beside me as I try and figure it all out.

to my little man

Dear Obadiah,

The moment you were born, I'll never forget. Nine pm, I was pushing, your daddy was quietly counting in my ear. Nine and a quarter, the doctor was getting things ready, my eyes were tearing, your daddy was smiling. You were almost here! Nine and twenty, I felt you come out and greet this world. You took my breath away when I saw you for the first time. My son, my very first child, you were beautiful. The first sounds of your voice as you loudly proclaimed that you were alive and well, those sounds were music to my soul. I couldn't keep the tears back as I held you in my arms. You were whom I had prayed for, longed for, cried for. You felt a bit like a stranger, and a bit like heaven that first moment. We were greeting each other for the first time...staring into each others face as if to say "so this is who you are!". It was a moment that I'll never forget. I cherish that moment. You only meet your child/mom for the first time once...in case you ever wonder, ours was a fabulous meeting!

The past 5 and a half weeks have flown by. There have been some bumps in the road, but none of them have been from you. You are my angel child. I couldn't ask for a more sweet and gentle spirited baby. I have learned your cries and your expressions. My heart melts when you nuzzle into my neck and try to eat my chin...silly boy...chins don't have any milk! I don't mind when you are hungry at odd hours of the night, but I do thank you for your patience when my eyes close quite tightly when you are eating (I can't help but nod off every now and then). Every morning, and sometimes in the evenings, I get to give you a bath. No one likes stinky babies! Your little froggy legs are so intent on splashing during bathtime, that we graduated to the "big boy" tub this morning. You smiled a huge smile, finally...room for you to make some waves.

I have a hunch that you are going to be my little chatterbox when you get older. Already you are smiling and trying to tell me things. I am sure you will ask many "why" questions. I probably won't have an answer for most of them, but I can't wait to hear your curiosity be vocalized. Oh the fun we are going to have together my son. I know that one day you won't want to be rocked to sleep anymore, and snuggling with your mom won't be cool. But, I do hope that you'll always let me kiss your little cheeks goodnight!

You are precious my son. You are a blessing beyond what I thought was possible. There have been many moments when I've thought "ah, so this is what it is like to love as a parent does". Thanks for letting me be your mommy. I know your dad is pretty excited too!

We love you our Obi.

Mom

four years ago today

Four years ago today I was sitting on a curb outside my apartment, crying! Yes, it was the night before my wedding, I was EXHAUSTED, and the keys to my apartment had conveniently been left inside the apartment as everyone headed out to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Haha...when I finally did manage to get the landlady to let me in, my dad tucked me in my bed and kissed me goodnight. The next thing I knew, it was 8 am on my wedding day! :-)

I have been blessed beyond measure to be married to my best friend. He is all that I am not. He can make me laugh more than anyone else and there is no one that I feel as safe and secure with. His quirks are endearing (sometimes aggravating...I'll admit it), but I love him just the way he is. I wouldn't change much, maybe just the fact that he lets the dog chew on his socks all the time.

When I look back on my wedding day, I thought I was in love. And, I suppose I was. But compared to my relationship now, I can say that I really was just "in like". God knew that I needed Jason to balance me, push me, love me, and be an unconditional friend. We've had our ups and downs. We've had our yelling matches. I definitely had the thought "Now, why did I marry him?" in the middle of a fight. BUT, at the end of every day I am always so thankful that on that day four years ago I did say "I DO". I wouldn't be who I am now without my husband.

And...he has given me the best gift a person ever could...our son. I am looking forward to the next years together. May we ever grow closer together. May we grow in the Lord together.

Here's to you babe!

Today I woke up at 8, fed Obi, and then the two of us proceeded to snooze off and on until 1. We were both super tired, so just resting felt good. I kinda feel like a bum sometimes, but when i can't keep my eyes open...closing them for a nap seems like a great option.

We are doing well. We are slowly figuring out how to do things with a baby in tow...but we are figuring it out and that is what matters (at least I think). There are lots of things that are going by the wayside, like our un-mowed lawn, my garden, the bathroom floors and my fridge, but I am ok with that at the moment.

We are doing some fun things together as a family. Like, last weekend we went to the grape festival and took Obi on his first ferris wheel ride, we've gone on walks around town in the evenings, and we even managed to sneek him into a movie. Jason is a GREAT dad. I can't say enough about how wonderful he has been. He changes diapers, burps Obi and loves to hold the little man. They've got a great bond going on already.

Here is me and my son as we were heading to the carnival!

on our own

My mom went home yesterday. I almost started to cry when I hugged her goodbye at the airport, but I held myself together. I kept repeating in my head "I can do this, I can do this". I am not nervous about taking care of Obi. I am more just nervous about being alone so much. It is starting to hit me at how quiet things are going to be now compared with working at JBU. Don't get me wrong...I KNOW there is going to be lots to do, but until Obi can start interacting a bit more, it is going to just be me talking to him. We'll figure it out, but it is just an adjustment.

On our first day alone together, Obi and I ran some errands around town and then went to Wal-mart...because really, when you live in our little town there isn't much else to do. I've had several people comment on me being out of the house already when Obi is only two weeks old. I think they mean it as a compliment, but really, for my sanity I NEED to get out of my house and see the outside world. Even if Obi and I just go for a walk around the block it helps my outlook on life. :-) I can get a little cranky if I spend too much time in my house.

I meant to post this earlier, but I started a blog for Obi. It is mainly for family to keep updated on what he is up to and for me to post a ton of pictures of him.

God has been teaching me so much about Himself these past two weeks. There are so many new fears or worries that had never crossed my mind before. I do not want to become a worrisome person, so there are a few verses in Psalms that have meant a lot to me over the past few days. There is one in particular that speaks about us taking refuge under the shadow of His wings. It is such a beautiful picture to me. To think of being nestled underneath God's wing and know that He is braving whatever storms may come. God is so good. When I think about all the prayers and tears that I said and cried before getting pregnant, it causes me to be so extremely humbled that God has entrusted this little soul into my care. I need His help for certain! And, when any thoughts of fear start creaping into my mind, I keep telling myself that Obadiah belongs to the Lord first and formost. He will not allow anything to happen to him unless it is supposed to.

Well...enough of my rambling. My eyes are barely staying open, so I am going to hit the hay. I've got just another hour-ish before my babe will need a lil' something more in his tummy!

Adjusting

My son has been home for a week and it has been the hardest and most rewarding week ever. Hard, not because of Obi, but because of other things. I have struggled with extreme constipation (pain worse than labor), stitches that came apart in two places, a dog that dragged 10lbs of frozen chicken onto my living room rug and let it thaw, that same dog of mine ran into a skunk last night at 11pm, and my husbands grandmother passed away on Wednesday...so he is driving almost to Colorado to be a pallbearer this weekend, and then the roller coaster of emotions. The things that happened NEVER happen...why this week? I don't know other than that the Lord must have a sense of humor or is trying to prepare us for something. I am hoping that it is just the first reason and not the second.

Obi has been a perfect, wonderful baby though! He is very laid back and doesn't fuss unless he's hungry. The first few nights he was up and feeding every two hours or so, but then the last three nights I've fed him at around 10:30, then not again until 1:30ish and he sleeps until 5:30. These four hour stints have allowed me to get some good rest and feel like I am getting back to myself a bit. It still hurts terribly to sit down, but every day it gets better. I do have my emotional moments, would by lying if I said otherwise. Once I start crying I have an awful hard time stopping...BUT, I absolutely adore being a mommy. I can't believe that I am so blessed to call this child my own. There are many times that I have been fearful or I have thought about what "could happen", but I am trying to remind myself that above all, Obi belongs to the Lord and He will watch out and protect him better than I ever could. That is very comforting!!

I was talking with my bf Elizabeth about breastfeeding and she said that she hasn't heard of anyone ever having such an easy time with that as I've had. For that, I am extremely thankful. For everyone who has had a hard time, I am so sorry!! I am just starting to get used to the routine of feeding every 2-4 hours. Obi and I are going to be attached at the hip for a while I guess. :-) I don't mind, it will just be an adjustment for me.

I've been putting this post together for the past three days and am just now making it happen. Funny how life changes, huh?! All for the better...wouldn't trade my new life for anything.

He couldn't be any sweeter if he tried!

Obi Herron is Home!!

We are home...all three of us (four if you include the dog). :-) It feels great to be back from the hospital and starting to settle in. (Quick side note, I am typing this while laying on my couch and my laptop is ON my belly, it is amazing to have full use of my stomach again.)

Thursday morning we went in to the hospital for a scheduled induction. Got there are 6:30 and was in a gown and in bed by 7. The nurse started a low pitocin drip in my IV to get it going. By 9:30 I had my epidural and then the nurse raised the dose of pitocin right up. For the better part of the day I stayed at a 3-4cm dilated and 90% effaced. The contractions I was having looked really strong on the external monitors, but because I wasn't really dilated they went ahead and put in internal monitors for both me and the baby. Once they did that they realized that the contractions weren't terribly strong afterall. So, the upped the dose of pitocin again and within an hour I was completely dilated and almost ready to start pushing. The doctor came to check really quickly before she had to do a c-section and since the baby was still not quite low enough she wanted me to wait and see if he would move down a bit. The fabulous thing was that all day long I felt NOTHING!! We hung out, watched some tv, talked, had some friends stop by and just really enjoyed the day. However, by 5pm there was a whole side of my ride hip that was not getting any epidural medicine and it was terribly painful. I could handle it with breathing, but let's just say that I was made very aware of how grateful I was to not be feeling the rest of my body. Thankfully the nurses were able to fix everything and by 7:30ish the doctor was back and I was ready to start pushing. To be honest, it was a great experience. We just chatted with the doctor and nurse about their kids and families, the differences between pentacostals and baptists and then they were giving us suggestions for baby names. We'd just stop talking every time there was a contraction and I would push and then we'd pick back up our converstation. Unfortunately, the baby's head was rotated sideways and everytime I pushed they could rotate him back around, but not enough to where he would stay put. After over an hour of pushing the doctor said that he wasn't going to come out without some help...so we could do a c-section or try the forceps first. We opted for the forceps...which, I was SO grateful I couldn't feel those go in. The doctor rotated the baby's head and when she did that, the whole rest of the baby rotated to, it was such a wierd feeling. Within 6 pushes I had his head and the rest of his little body out!!! There are two things I remember first after he came out. 1- that his head was huge and cone-shaped and I was SHOCKED at how big he was, 2- that my stomach was immediately like jelly. They took him immediately over to the warmer to get him cleaned up and I had torn pretty badly, on top of having an episiotomy, so it took a while to get stitched up. Jason called my mom to come in to see the baby and as they were looking at him I started to get sick feeling. I called Jason over to grab a bucket and I was going to heave. He got there just in time, I rolled over started throwing up and just as I did, the pressure from throwing up caused the placenta to shoot out...literally. It hit the doctor smack in the middle of the chest and splatted to the floor and sent blood everywhere. It was like a horror film. The doctor stood up and I remember hearing her say, "um, I think I need a new gown". She was covered head to toe, her hair was dripping blood. It was so gross and funny at the same time. I was embarrassed and mortified to have done that to her, but she just laughed and said it was all part of the job.

So, there in a nutshell is the birthing story. What about the babe?

His name is (after much deliberation): Obadiah Knight Herron. We call him Obi, and it totally suits him. Knight is a family name on Jason's side, so that is where it came from. He was 8lbs 11oz and 21 inches long. He is terribly bright and alert and incredibly beautiful. I did not at all expect for my baby to be so cute right from the beginning. We are both smitten with him and decided that we would bring him home from the hospital after all. ;-) He is cuddly and snuggly and just perfect in every way. God has blessed our family immensely and we are in awe of this gift we have been given.

Here are a few pictures of our new man!

Here he is...just a few minutes old.

I was pretty darn excited!!

Awww...so sleepy!
Jason finally has someone to test his toy on. :-)

So sweet...I am in love.

I'll be posting more pictures again soon. Things are getting a little more settled in. My mom is here until next Wednesday and it is SO helpful having her here.

insomnia

It is 3:56...and I am awake! Having only slept for about 45 minutes tonight, I can most assuredly say that I am tired. Why, oh why, dear eyes can you not stay closed?

We went to the Dr. today for my 40 week check up. Still 2cm dilated, but I am 75% effaced. Unless he makes his own grand entrance, we will be checking into the hospital at 5am on Thursday morning and we'll start the gig. I am relieved to know there is an end in sight. I have had quite a few contractions tonight, 30 t0 be exact since midnight, but there isn't any regularity of timing or strength. I am still praying that he decides to come on his own.

That's all I got for now. If I wasn't so tired I would try and come up with something clever to write about, but my brain is mush. The only pleasant thing about being awake tonight is that I have been listening to the rain pitter patter on my skylight. Such a sweet and relaxing sound.

Baby room complete

Jason and I finally finished all the projects for the baby's room today. Well, truth be told, Jason finished all the projects. I organized some diapers, added my opinion (which just made his day harder), and I took some pictures. So...way to go Jason for being an awesome dad already! Tomorrow is the due date. I am just hanging out like a beached whale waiting for this kid to come out. I keep telling him that he really can't stay in there forever and please do come out! So far he hasn't been obedient. Hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

Here are some pictures of his room:

#1- a little bookshelf and his basket of stuffed animals. So far we haven't had any go missing because of the dog, although he is mighty interested in them.

#2 - Jason made this awesome rope shelves to hang above his dresser. They are SO cute and I love 'em.

#3 We decided to go with an airplane theme in his room and we are pretty excited about it. All the ultrasounds we had done said he is a boy...but if for some reason we come home with a girl, we've got to change a lot around. This room is pretty boyish!
Yesterday Jason spotted this antique model bi-plane hanging from outside an junk store. We pulled into the parking lot and hopped out. The lady sold it for $29!!! We've been searching and searching for something this cool, but hadn't had any luck. They had no idea that what they sold us was well worth over $150-200. Needless to say we are excited about it.
Ok...so that's about it. Nothing else happening really. Tomorrow is the due date, so we'll see if he was just waiting for that.

277 down...3 to go

I am three days from my due date. The waiting is killing me, I have to keep myself busy or I just get grumpy. ;-) Any other new mommas-to-be feel like that?! As of Wednesday I am 2cm dilated and 25% effaced. The tentative schedule now is go back to the Dr on Monday for my 40 week check-up, and if nothing has happened by then, we will have a scheduled induction on Wednesday night! SO...if nothing else, we will see our baby by Thursday morning/afternoon sometime.

Fortunately, my mom came in on Tuesday night, so I've had her here to hang out with, talk with and do any last minute things. I don't know that I have ever had any length of time to myself with my mom (since I am one of 5 kids), so I am cherishing our time together.

Other than that, we are just chilling out and doing any safe exercises possible that will help wiggle this baby loose. ;-)

waiting

I have officially been done with work for 8 weeks as of tomorrow. Crazy! I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. Since I was still in school for 6 weeks of that, I did keep rather busy with classes and homework. The past two weeks have been blissfully wide open to spend time with friends, do last minute projects around my house, and enjoy life. However, that being said, I am not a person who enjoys endless hours of nothing structured to do....especially when I am just waiting for this baby to arrive.

I have a mere 10 days, 1 hour and 40 minutes to go until my due date. The last appointment I went to the dr said that I was just starting to dilate a little and that his wee head is all set to go. My mom is coming on Tuesday evening and is super anxious about the baby coming before she gets here. Since I am the only girl in my family, my birthing experience will probably be her only chance to be in the delivery room when all the "action" takes place. :-) I am nervous about her being there, partially because I am afraid I just may say a bad word because of the pain (and I am not sure my mother knows any bad words), and partially because I really have no clue of what to expect. Regardless, my mom was a nurse and had five kids herself...so she may know a few things that will be helpful. On the other hand, my poor dear husband is simply in agony waiting for his son to appear. He wants his wife back and he wants to hold his baby. We've discussed the whole 6 weeks of recouperation time after the birth, but I think he would be satisfied to just hold me close without my giant belly being in the way.

And, what do I want? I am not sure. I really am about to go nuts just wondering what he will look like. I dread going to bed at night because I am so uncomfortable and rolling over is painful. Almost every morning I wake up at 4:30 and can't fall asleep for an hour or two...so I often feel very unrested in the morning. I am so ready to have my body return to a somewhat normal shape, to have my feet and ankles fit into something other than my flip flops, and to be able to only use the restroom 4/5 times a day instead. BUT...I am nervous about pushing this kid out. I am cherishing these last few days of time with my husband...just us two. I am soaking in the ease of getting in and out of my car without having to lug a carseat with me. There is a gentle, clean and organized peace in my house these days and I LOVE IT!

So, I guess what all that sums up is that I am making the most of the last few days/hours before my dear wee one arrives, but I am SO looking forward to meeting my boy. Whatever happens, he will be mine and I love him so much already.

processing

I have taken a blogging hiatus for the past two weeks...partially because I've been busy with a trip up to Wichita, finishing up my class for the summer, getting ready for Baby Herron and spending time with sweet friends. But partially it is because I am processing some family happenings at the moment...and am lost in my thoughts, prayers and the uncertainty of it all.

Starting with the suicide of my uncle earlier this month my family has seemed to have one crisis after another. I've spent hours on the phone back and forth with each of my parents and with each of my four brothers. At the end of all the conversations I am left silently praying "God, HELP!" It is moments like these that I really am struck by my lack of wisdom and knowledge of what to do, how to help. But the scriptures talk over and over about when we lack wisdom. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:5). I am finding myself humbled in this situation and truly needing to lean on God's grace and goodness to solve the issues in my family. Thankfully, God hears our prayers and is working out His will in each of our lives.

I am 26, but still often feel like I am still in the process of learning what it means to be an adult and how to be healthfully differentiated from my family. This process is painful, as it is stripping away things that I held/hold dear and that I clung to as a safety net. It is also a precious process as it is causing me to turn towards the Lord more and more as my safe haven, my Rock and my Shelter.

I've always thought of God as being on the throne in Heaven and though I am joyful to be there, I am also at the back of the crowd...so very far from His immediate presence. I am not sure where or when I developed that mental picture, but I am realizing just how not true that image is! God created me, not because He needed another person to fill the earth, but because He loves me and desires an intense relationship with me. He desires to have that relationship both now and in Heaven. What is the point of Him being omnipresent if it wasn't to BE with me along every step of the road?!

So tonight I am continuing to pray and seek the Lord for wisdom, comfort and grace. If I seek Him with my whole heart, He WILL be found. What an amazingly wonderful thing that is. It is so ironic that the more I learn, the more I realize just how little I really do know. If you happen to think of me in the next few days, just say a prayer for my family. That God would give clarity and somehow intervene in what seems like impossible situations. Nothing is too small for God, this I know. My baby boy that is about to be born is an oh-so-clear testimony to that fact. I am tremendously grateful for such an obvious reality of God's faithfulness in my life.

35 and counting

Dear Son,

We've only 35 days left till you are supposed to come out and meet the world around you. I have to admit, I hope you make your appearance in less days than that. Partially because I am DYING to meet you and see your little face...but also because you have a mean punch to my ribs that is getting a bit painful. I am having a really hard time getting up from bed or off the couch, and before now I didn't know that it was possible to use the ladies room almost on an hourly basis (maybe that is why they make TP with lotion and aloe in it?!).

This weekend we are going up to your Grandma Campbell's house in Wichita so that she can throw a shower for you. Little boy, let me tell you...she is one VERY excited lady that you are on her way. She has bought waaaaay more stuff for you than your own momma has. I am pretty sure that you will be able to twist her arm to get you whatever you want for Christmas. I'm going to have to make sure you don't exploit that as you get older. :-)

Your dad and I are still so far away from having an agreement on a name for you. We keep procrastinating becuase no name seems quite right and secretly we keep hoping that it will just "come" to us. If you have to remain nameless for a few hours after you are born, I apologize. We'll do our best to give you a name that is fun but not stupid. I hope you won't judge us later on.

We haven't set up your crib yet, but that is on this weeks to-do list. Your dresser arrived and is alreay full of little outfits and blankets. All I need is the rocking chair and to hang some things on the walls and then your room will be ready for you. I think I may need to find a rug to go on the floor so that your dog, Pooka, can lay beside you and keep an eye on you. I know that he is going to love you SO much...maybe too much?! We'll have to work on not letting him lick you. Please be patient with him.

Well son, we are praying for you. That God will keep you healthy and strong over the next few weeks and that your arrival will go smoothly. Know that when you get here you have two VERY excited parents to hug and kiss you.

All my love,

Mom

sadness

Tonight my dad called with the news that my Uncle Don has been missing since Saturday morning. My Aunt Cathy is guessing that it was suicide, but there is no trace of his body or his truck. Apparently he has been depressed for a while and has been on meds. I am not sure when the police will decide that it really was suicide and what happens then. I cannot imagine what my aunt is going through. They had been married for 35+ years and to have your husband leave without saying goodbye, not even through a letter, is a terrible feeling. This is my third family member to die within the last week, though the other two deaths were expected. Because all my extended family lives in Canada and I haven't seen them much in the past 10/15 years, I feel very detached from the whole situation. I care, I love, I grieve, but there are not many tears...and at least for tonight, that is ok with me.

I am a person that is not very familiar with death. My Grandfather passed away 2 years ago this July, but I wasn't able to go to the funeral. Again, I cared and loved and grieved, but didn't cry very much. I am also a person who likes to remember the good in people, and the memories that make me smile. Each of us has our "dark" sides, but I would rather look back at the fond times I spent with my family and remember them for the grins they put on my face.

So, in honor of my Uncle Don Powell...here are a few of my favorite memories:

- standing in his garage next to the large bag of dried kelp and munching away on it. It always left a funny salt/fishy taste in your mouth, but apparently it puts hair on one's chest (though I never got any of that...thankfully!).
- Riding on top of his shoulders
- Sitting on his lap and him reading me a story
- The fact that he refused to miss his "Lizzy's" wedding
- Racing around Toronto in his big boat of a car as we got things ready for his daughter's wedding
- His big laugh and his slight lisp
- How he showed me exactly how to squeek cheese curds with my teeth
- Cracking open my first lobster tail with him
- I never saw him wear anything but a plaid shirt
- He gave some of the biggest hugs ever!

Tonight my prayer is that my Aunt Cathy will find rest, peace and sleep. That morning will bring some sort of closure of knowing what has happened to him. That my cousins will be able to grieve and lean on each other. That God will bring restoration and grace upon their home. That Uncle Don may be at peace, whether his is still alive or if he has passed. That my family will know how to support and love on Aunt Cathy.

You know, God is still GOOD! I know that somehow He is going to take these ashes and create something beautiful, becuase that is His nature. I am glad that at the end of the day, when it is just me, my pillow, and the darkness that surrounds me, that God is there to hold me close and whisper His words of love. He does that if I am filled with happiness or with sadness. Tonight, I am especially thankful for that fact.

God is good

Yesterday started out as a cloudy, but beautiful day! I was going to take my friend Elizabeth's kids strawberry picking and to the pool and then go to baby shower for my dear little boy. I thought that I should start my morning out with a walk though...like every other morning since not working. Well, yesterday that was a bad idea! We were walking downtown and my dear dog saw a duck before I did and he went chasing after it and before I knew it I was on the ground, skinned up and I had fallen on the left side of my stomach. The place where I fell was full of big rocks that were cemented into the ground, so it wasn't even a smooth place to fall. Needless to say, I was frantic, half-hysterical, and bloody. I almost gave my poor husband a heart attack with the phone call saying "I need you to come get me and take me to the hospital" (all done while sobbing). The worst part was sitting there waiting and not feeling the baby move at all. It is a horrible feeling of not knowing if he was ok or not! We went to the Siloam ER and everything seemed fine, they gave me a shot to quiet the mild contractions that started and the baby looked great on the fetal monitor. I got sent home that afternoon and proceeded to have a sore, but GREAT evening at my shower!!

This morning however, I woke up and had about 4-5 contractions in an hour and called the doctor and they said, come in...we want to monitor you. So, back to the hospital we went and we were there all morning. I was hooked up again to the fetal monitor and the contraction monitor. It was interesting to see the numbers go up as I felt my tummy tighten. I had some blood work done and that was fine, the ultrasound showed no sign of placenta damage and I am not dialated at all yet. SO....we are back home again and it looks like everything is going to be fine. I am to just take it easy for a few days.

The very exciting part of the whole ordeal was that we got to SEE our baby and he is a cutie! Definitely still a boy, he has some hair and is 4lb 15oz already! The ultrasound said that he is 33wks, 6days rather that my due date of 32wks, 3days. We'll have to see if he comes early or not, but the blessing is that if he was to come early, he is a decent size and all his organs are functioning correctly. The tech said that he has a perfectly shaped head which is fabulous (let's hope that birth canal doesn't mess it up too much).

God is good. It is miraculous the way that he has created our bodies to handle impact and trauma and still the baby stays safe and snug. What a blessing!

I will post pictures of the shower...but for now am just going to rest. My arm that was holding Pooka's leash got really twisted (I thought it was broken for a while) and so it can't take much activity before it gets super tired.

Thanks to those of you that have been praying!! You are such a blessing to me.

loving summer

The rest of my first week off was so grand. I enjoyed every delicious drop of it! The thoroughly exciting part is that this coming week will be a repeat of week 1! A girl could get used to this whole not working thing. :-)

This weekend Jason and I went to a little farm in Tontitown and we can home with these:

Aren't they gorgeous? They were so sweet and juicy...and totally had that fresh summer taste that somehow doesn't make it into the boxes of store-bought berries.

We ate some and then I froze the rest. Looking forward to opening those up this winter and reliving a lovely May day!

This picture epitomizes the rest of our weekend so far:
We've done a whole lot of NOTHING! This weekend came at the perfect timing. My dear husband has been more tired that normal over the past few weeks. So I have been happy to let him get some extra naps in this weekend. The dog however, leads a lazy life, so I am not sure why he was all snoozy too.

Poor dear Arkansas...

So, sometimes I try and make-believe that I do not live in Arkansas. Actually, it isn't that it is a bad place...and quite often I really do enjoy where I live. Now, when my family comes to visit, I usually notice how much I have gotten used to the "culture" of where I live. (Granted, my parents live in Colorado, only the mecca of all out-doorsy people! They tend to be extremely trim, health conscious, and hybrid car drivers.) They often make comments about society here being different than theirs 750 miles away.

Every now and then I get a big slap in the face, and I suddenly wake up from my daze and have to question..."why in the heck do I live here?" What, you may be asking, was the so called slap this time? Well, the story goes something like this:

I was in the local Taco Bell, sitting at a table across from my husband. We were munching down tacos and a bean burrito. It was a pretty regular day. There was a group of kids there that looked like they had just wrapped up their Saturday morning soccer game. I was dipping my taco in sauce, and people watching. All of the sudden I got slapped! Not literally...but I had to do a double take because I really wasn't sure that what I thought I saw really WAS what I saw. But oh no!! It WAS!! There was a gentlemen sitting across the aisle from me, and he was a larger person in a wheelchair. Not that abnormal for my town. The abnormal part was that his entire rear-end was completely unclothed and hanging out the backside of his wheelchair. I was shocked, and unfortunately had little more maturity than a 12 year old boy...because I could barely contain myself from bursting at the seams with laughter. Jason was super confused about the look of shock on my face and then the futile attempts at controlling my laughter. So, he got up, went to refill his soda and scanned the room. What he saw was, a large man in a wheelchair...with no legs!! He sat down again, and looked at me as if I had lost my compassion and asked if I was really laughing at guy with no legs?! Problem was, I didn't see that he didn't have legs...I only saw the the back side of him. Fortunately, the guy was done eating and he and his group left the restaurant. I started to try to explain to my husband what I saw. To no avail, my husband is convinced that I am a wretched person for laughing at a disabled person!! My argument still remains, that legs or no legs...surely one would feel the cold breeze on ones lower cheeks. Maybe he doesn't have any feeling past his arms (because I did see that they were working)...in which case I am really sorry for laughing. I guess I was just reminded that this place where I live is really quite "special". You never know what you might see at your local taco shack. But, for all of you that are reading this...please pull at least your undies over your bum, and make sure that anyone you are caring for in a wheelchair also has their lower regions covered! Arkansas doesn't need any more fodder for laughter than it already has. Poor Arkansas. And, poor man that I laughed at. I really do wish I could apologize.

Day two

Today was day #2 of being a stay-at-home-wife/soon-to-be-mom. I spent my day doing homework, gardening and just doing some projects around the house that I haven't had time for before. It was grand. I keep feeling like I have to get so much done because this "vacation" will soon be over. I suppose it is, in 62 days when this kid makes his appearance. Haha!

I had a friend call me today and ask if I would watch her son once a week throughout the summer, for just an hour. I don't mind helping, and said I could help some, but that I couldn't commit to anything after June (for obvious reasons). Anyways...after I hung up, I started to panic! I wasn't really panicking about watching her kid, but rather there were a million little thoughts that ran through my head. They went something like this: "How does one entertain a 1 year old for 45 min? Wait, what does one DO with an infant for an entire day? What am I going to let this kid play with while he is here? Is anything not dog-slobbered upon? I have NO toys! What is MY kid going to play with? I guess I could sit him(my friend's kid) in front of the TV (not that I approve of that as a method of permanently entertaining a kid). I don't like holding conversations with children that cannot coherently respond. What am I going to talk to my son about for the first 3 years of his life? I can't do this! I don't even like children!!"

I was about to reach for a paper bag to breathe in and out of, and then realized that I was driving my car...so I reached over to my phone to call mom and remembered that she is in Canada this week (blah...no international calls on my cell). I talked myself down off the ledge by remembering that I DO in fact LOVE my bf Elizabeth's kids! I really don't mind hanging out with them and I DO enjoy babysitting them. There may be almost no other children that I enjoy, but if I can enjoy her three kids...then surely I can enjoy mine, right?! Also, I find lots of things to talk to my dog about, and he can't respond at all...so this could work, right? Right!

to my son

Dear Baby Herron,

Today is Mommy's last day at work. This is a big change in my life, after today I will just be a wife to your Daddy and a mom to you. I wouldn't have it any other way. We prayed and prayed for God to give us you as a gift. Now that you are almost here, I am getting nervous. Not "cold feet" nervous, but just jittery. We are so very thankful that you are on your way and it won't be long until we can see your little face. I can see my tummy move when you kick (which is ALL the time), but I am aching to hold you in my arms and love on you.

Yesterday was the first baby shower that we had together. You got a bunch of super cute clothes and blankets and a few books. You even got one outfit that matches your Daddy's style of dress - a Hawaiian shirt! I hung up all your clothes, and folded the little blankets and stacked the shoes. You are blessed already my dear boy. People love you! We have two more showers together. One here with more dear friends, and one in Kansas with your Grandma Campbell and her side of the family. I am looking forward to those two showers as they are a true celebration of YOU! I will confess to you though that it feels strange to be on the Mommy side of the shower, rather than a giver.

Baby, I want you to know that I am praying for you already. That you will be healthy when you get here. That your arrival won't be too traumatic (for both you and me). But, most importantly, that you will learn to love Jesus from a very early age. This will be my constant prayer for you.

You are treasured.

Love,

Mom

the last week

This week has been hectic. Every evening has had something planned...last night, I didn't get to bed till 2am (partly my own fault) and then had to be up at 6:15. An old college roommate is coming into town tomorrow night and spending the weekend at my house, which is great, but I am feeling tired and a little irritated that I won't be able to do what I want to do this weekend. When did I get so selfish? However, I am soaking up this as the last week at work. I am thoroughly excited about closing this chapter at 5pm on Friday, turning in my key and walking through the door as I open a new chapter of my life. Nervous, true, but excited! Part of me is totally ok with all the hectic"ness" and neediness of this week, as next week will be quite a different story.

Today I was praying for a friend. Well, really I was fretting and feeling like I needed to intervene and do something. All I could do was sit in silence and just whisper a prayer on her behalf. Now, I don't often "hear" God's voice and am always skeptical when people talk about "hearing" Him speak to them. BUT...today as I was squirming for this friend and feverishly whispering my prayers, I totally sensed God say to me "Liz, be still. Don't you think that I know what is best for her? I do love her more that you ever could, and I've got this under control. So, just sit back, rest and know that I am God." WOW...immediately I felt a huge weight just roll off my shoulders and I rested in the fact that God does know what she needs, and it may not be what I think she needs (imagine that!). Sometimes God is so tender, ever showing the shepherd side of Himself. I know He knew that I needed to be reminded of that today. He is my shepherd too. Ever beside me, today...making me lay down in some green pastures. It felt good to rest my soul.

Jason's new favorite toy (of course it has 4 wheels!)

I have been searching for MONTHS online to find a safe, well made, good brand and decent looking carseat/stroller. I had pretty much settled on a britax and figured I would frugal-style it by picking one up on ebay. So, I did just that! Found a steal of one that really is in decent condition, but when it arrived this week, well....let's just say that it didn't possess the "cool factor" that young Mr. Herron should be seen with. I agreed to put it back up for sale on ebay and with any luck, we'll at least break even on it.

So, that brings us to this weekend. Saturday morning Jason and I woke up, helped his younger brother put his belongings into a car and waved him goodbye after he finished up his freshmen year of college. We looked at each other, decided we had nothing else that was pressing to do that day, and so we loaded up the dog and ourselves into the car and headed to Tulsa. We have been a bit frustrated that most stores in NWA don't have much selection to choose from when it comes to strollers or infant car seats. I just wanted to take a look at them in person and see how they open/close, etc.

We ended up at the coolest baby store called Dingbats (if you are in Tulsa, you should check it out!). They stock the brand of carseat/stroller that Jason had been looking at. Forty-five minutes later, we walked out of the store with my husband's new favorite toy.

It is: 1- cool enough for the new dad to walk around with.

2- Compact enough to be taken as a carry-on if we are travelling somewhere

3- Light enough that mom can carry it.

4- Adjustable enough to where we can zip out the entire toddler seat when the kid is too young to sit up.
5- Blue enough that (hopefully) people will instantly know that our baby is a "he".

AND... 6- matchable to the diaper bag that is manly enough for dad to carry without feeling humiliated. (actually, this is a SUPER cool bag that has a ton of features that I am excited about).

Lastly...I found a fun baby food tray for freezing all that yummy spinach I plan on making him eat. ;-)

The stroller was a decent price, and after spending so much time online over the past few weeks/months looking for one, we decided that we couldn't actually get a better deal on a new one anywhere else, so we bit the bullet and bought it. It is fun to have in the house. Makes it feel all the more real that our kiddo will be here soon and we are getting ready for him. He still has no name, but at least he will be riding home in style. Haha.