sadness

Tonight my dad called with the news that my Uncle Don has been missing since Saturday morning. My Aunt Cathy is guessing that it was suicide, but there is no trace of his body or his truck. Apparently he has been depressed for a while and has been on meds. I am not sure when the police will decide that it really was suicide and what happens then. I cannot imagine what my aunt is going through. They had been married for 35+ years and to have your husband leave without saying goodbye, not even through a letter, is a terrible feeling. This is my third family member to die within the last week, though the other two deaths were expected. Because all my extended family lives in Canada and I haven't seen them much in the past 10/15 years, I feel very detached from the whole situation. I care, I love, I grieve, but there are not many tears...and at least for tonight, that is ok with me.

I am a person that is not very familiar with death. My Grandfather passed away 2 years ago this July, but I wasn't able to go to the funeral. Again, I cared and loved and grieved, but didn't cry very much. I am also a person who likes to remember the good in people, and the memories that make me smile. Each of us has our "dark" sides, but I would rather look back at the fond times I spent with my family and remember them for the grins they put on my face.

So, in honor of my Uncle Don Powell...here are a few of my favorite memories:

- standing in his garage next to the large bag of dried kelp and munching away on it. It always left a funny salt/fishy taste in your mouth, but apparently it puts hair on one's chest (though I never got any of that...thankfully!).
- Riding on top of his shoulders
- Sitting on his lap and him reading me a story
- The fact that he refused to miss his "Lizzy's" wedding
- Racing around Toronto in his big boat of a car as we got things ready for his daughter's wedding
- His big laugh and his slight lisp
- How he showed me exactly how to squeek cheese curds with my teeth
- Cracking open my first lobster tail with him
- I never saw him wear anything but a plaid shirt
- He gave some of the biggest hugs ever!

Tonight my prayer is that my Aunt Cathy will find rest, peace and sleep. That morning will bring some sort of closure of knowing what has happened to him. That my cousins will be able to grieve and lean on each other. That God will bring restoration and grace upon their home. That Uncle Don may be at peace, whether his is still alive or if he has passed. That my family will know how to support and love on Aunt Cathy.

You know, God is still GOOD! I know that somehow He is going to take these ashes and create something beautiful, becuase that is His nature. I am glad that at the end of the day, when it is just me, my pillow, and the darkness that surrounds me, that God is there to hold me close and whisper His words of love. He does that if I am filled with happiness or with sadness. Tonight, I am especially thankful for that fact.