to my little man

Dear Obadiah,

The moment you were born, I'll never forget. Nine pm, I was pushing, your daddy was quietly counting in my ear. Nine and a quarter, the doctor was getting things ready, my eyes were tearing, your daddy was smiling. You were almost here! Nine and twenty, I felt you come out and greet this world. You took my breath away when I saw you for the first time. My son, my very first child, you were beautiful. The first sounds of your voice as you loudly proclaimed that you were alive and well, those sounds were music to my soul. I couldn't keep the tears back as I held you in my arms. You were whom I had prayed for, longed for, cried for. You felt a bit like a stranger, and a bit like heaven that first moment. We were greeting each other for the first time...staring into each others face as if to say "so this is who you are!". It was a moment that I'll never forget. I cherish that moment. You only meet your child/mom for the first time once...in case you ever wonder, ours was a fabulous meeting!

The past 5 and a half weeks have flown by. There have been some bumps in the road, but none of them have been from you. You are my angel child. I couldn't ask for a more sweet and gentle spirited baby. I have learned your cries and your expressions. My heart melts when you nuzzle into my neck and try to eat my chin...silly boy...chins don't have any milk! I don't mind when you are hungry at odd hours of the night, but I do thank you for your patience when my eyes close quite tightly when you are eating (I can't help but nod off every now and then). Every morning, and sometimes in the evenings, I get to give you a bath. No one likes stinky babies! Your little froggy legs are so intent on splashing during bathtime, that we graduated to the "big boy" tub this morning. You smiled a huge smile, finally...room for you to make some waves.

I have a hunch that you are going to be my little chatterbox when you get older. Already you are smiling and trying to tell me things. I am sure you will ask many "why" questions. I probably won't have an answer for most of them, but I can't wait to hear your curiosity be vocalized. Oh the fun we are going to have together my son. I know that one day you won't want to be rocked to sleep anymore, and snuggling with your mom won't be cool. But, I do hope that you'll always let me kiss your little cheeks goodnight!

You are precious my son. You are a blessing beyond what I thought was possible. There have been many moments when I've thought "ah, so this is what it is like to love as a parent does". Thanks for letting me be your mommy. I know your dad is pretty excited too!

We love you our Obi.

Mom

four years ago today

Four years ago today I was sitting on a curb outside my apartment, crying! Yes, it was the night before my wedding, I was EXHAUSTED, and the keys to my apartment had conveniently been left inside the apartment as everyone headed out to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Haha...when I finally did manage to get the landlady to let me in, my dad tucked me in my bed and kissed me goodnight. The next thing I knew, it was 8 am on my wedding day! :-)

I have been blessed beyond measure to be married to my best friend. He is all that I am not. He can make me laugh more than anyone else and there is no one that I feel as safe and secure with. His quirks are endearing (sometimes aggravating...I'll admit it), but I love him just the way he is. I wouldn't change much, maybe just the fact that he lets the dog chew on his socks all the time.

When I look back on my wedding day, I thought I was in love. And, I suppose I was. But compared to my relationship now, I can say that I really was just "in like". God knew that I needed Jason to balance me, push me, love me, and be an unconditional friend. We've had our ups and downs. We've had our yelling matches. I definitely had the thought "Now, why did I marry him?" in the middle of a fight. BUT, at the end of every day I am always so thankful that on that day four years ago I did say "I DO". I wouldn't be who I am now without my husband.

And...he has given me the best gift a person ever could...our son. I am looking forward to the next years together. May we ever grow closer together. May we grow in the Lord together.

Here's to you babe!

Today I woke up at 8, fed Obi, and then the two of us proceeded to snooze off and on until 1. We were both super tired, so just resting felt good. I kinda feel like a bum sometimes, but when i can't keep my eyes open...closing them for a nap seems like a great option.

We are doing well. We are slowly figuring out how to do things with a baby in tow...but we are figuring it out and that is what matters (at least I think). There are lots of things that are going by the wayside, like our un-mowed lawn, my garden, the bathroom floors and my fridge, but I am ok with that at the moment.

We are doing some fun things together as a family. Like, last weekend we went to the grape festival and took Obi on his first ferris wheel ride, we've gone on walks around town in the evenings, and we even managed to sneek him into a movie. Jason is a GREAT dad. I can't say enough about how wonderful he has been. He changes diapers, burps Obi and loves to hold the little man. They've got a great bond going on already.

Here is me and my son as we were heading to the carnival!

on our own

My mom went home yesterday. I almost started to cry when I hugged her goodbye at the airport, but I held myself together. I kept repeating in my head "I can do this, I can do this". I am not nervous about taking care of Obi. I am more just nervous about being alone so much. It is starting to hit me at how quiet things are going to be now compared with working at JBU. Don't get me wrong...I KNOW there is going to be lots to do, but until Obi can start interacting a bit more, it is going to just be me talking to him. We'll figure it out, but it is just an adjustment.

On our first day alone together, Obi and I ran some errands around town and then went to Wal-mart...because really, when you live in our little town there isn't much else to do. I've had several people comment on me being out of the house already when Obi is only two weeks old. I think they mean it as a compliment, but really, for my sanity I NEED to get out of my house and see the outside world. Even if Obi and I just go for a walk around the block it helps my outlook on life. :-) I can get a little cranky if I spend too much time in my house.

I meant to post this earlier, but I started a blog for Obi. It is mainly for family to keep updated on what he is up to and for me to post a ton of pictures of him.

God has been teaching me so much about Himself these past two weeks. There are so many new fears or worries that had never crossed my mind before. I do not want to become a worrisome person, so there are a few verses in Psalms that have meant a lot to me over the past few days. There is one in particular that speaks about us taking refuge under the shadow of His wings. It is such a beautiful picture to me. To think of being nestled underneath God's wing and know that He is braving whatever storms may come. God is so good. When I think about all the prayers and tears that I said and cried before getting pregnant, it causes me to be so extremely humbled that God has entrusted this little soul into my care. I need His help for certain! And, when any thoughts of fear start creaping into my mind, I keep telling myself that Obadiah belongs to the Lord first and formost. He will not allow anything to happen to him unless it is supposed to.

Well...enough of my rambling. My eyes are barely staying open, so I am going to hit the hay. I've got just another hour-ish before my babe will need a lil' something more in his tummy!