2011 recap #1

Ah…2011. What a year. Without a doubt, it was a hard year. Good in many ways too, but mostly hard. This little blog became very neglected because I mainly knew not what to write about or how to put down what I was thinking…and then there is the little thing about time. Yeah, I was lacking a little in that category too. But, even where there were moments that I could have stolen away and written, I was overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed I shut down. A chunk of 2011, if I am honest, was spent with me feeling somewhat like a robot emotionally. Doing what I did because it had to be done, but not because I had that much passion or excitement behind my actions. I’ve seen a few people do this thing called “reverb”. It is intended for the month of December as a way to reflect upon the past year. But, oh well, better late than never, right?

Where did 2011 begin? At our rental house on Wright Street. A couple friends came. My youngest brother was there. Obi was in bed. We watched a movie. It was relaxed. Uneventful. Not like the rest of 2011.

Who did you meet? A LOT of people. Probably met more new people this year than I have in a while. See, this past year we built a coffee shop and I went back to graduate school. Some of the people I met have become good friends, and my life is richer because of them. Nicole for one…she was someone we hired to be a manager at the coffee shop. I took an instant liking to her and though we are opposite in personalities, she is sweet, sincere, insightful, loyal, and an ever-encourager.  Katie…I sat across the room from her during my first class back in school. Me in all my judgmental wisdom (NOT) thought that she and I would probably never be friends because she appeared to be such a good person.  She has turned out to be that good person after all and such a blessing to my life. She is one of my colleagues that I most enjoy doing school/counseling with.  Clients…I started seeing clients this fall. It has been so humbling and such a blessing at the same time. I am truly floored that God has given me this opportunity.

What books did you read? This spring I read the Mark of a Lion series. So good. Really. After school started, well a lot of counseling books.  Crazy by Pete Earley, revolutionized what I thought I knew about the mental health system in the US.

When did you struggle? When did I not? This year was rough. Really rough. I struggled with building the shop and juggling home stuff and being a mom to a toddler. I struggled with the finances of making the shop happen. I struggled with letting go of my time to spend with friends or do things that I enjoy. I struggled being a good wife and mom, sister and daughter. I struggled with moving. I wrestled with the decision to go back to school. I struggled with family issues. I struggled with being misunderstood when it really mattered. I struggled with feeling more alone than I have ever felt before. I struggled with feeling like I did’t matter. The list goes on, but I’ll spare you.

What did you discover? That I love school. That God has really called me into this counseling profession.  You know that whisper that God speaks sometimes? God has used that a couple times this semester reassuring me that THIS is where I am supposed to be a the moment. It is pivotal for me as a person, and probably one of the most important, positive defining moments of this past year.

Who was important to you? Elizabeth. Through thick and thin, she has been there.  She has made time for me when I was bawling and barely comprehendible on the phone, and she rejoiced when there were happy moments too.  Her advice is always balanced. She challenges me to be better, love more, and to never give up.

What do you hope to remember? That feeling of awe and gentleness in meeting with a client. I don’t want to lose that. I never want to become callous or jaded. That this was the year that Obi became a mini-boy. He really spent such a short time in the toddler phase of life. It was like he went straight from being a baby to being a boy overnight. He is hilarious and so much fun. Things he said this week:

-       “Mom, you are my favorite kid.”

-       “No mom, you don’t jump in the shower. You will fall and hurt self. It is dangerous, no jumping in shower.”

-       Me: “Obi, please ask the dog if he wants to go for a walk”  Obi: “No mom, Pooka is not a talker-boy, he just barks”.

-       Me: “hey mom, I’ll just throw Obi in the tub real quick so you don’t have to when I am gone for class”. Obi: “Noooooooo….mom, don’t throw me in the tub!!!”  Took some time to convince him that wasn’t literally going to throw him into the tub.

Where did you spend money? HA! The coffee shop. Every last extra penny from January through October went there. Well, at least it seemed and felt that way.

When were you most scared? Hmm…I don’t know. I don’t get truly scared that often. Fearful, yes.  That was something I dealt with a lot. Of trying to overcome my fears…mostly to do with money.  Managing the books of the coffee shop was not good for my blood pressure. J God provided every.single.week. But it was a constant battle for me to trust and rest in that. Towards the end, I felt like I was making progress in that, but I definitely learned more about what scripture talks about in regards to taking every thought captive. It is so easy to let your mind wander and get away from you, and before you know it you are sucked down into the rabbit hole that leads to nowhere but your worst fears. And, Fearville is an awful place to dwell.

What questions did you ask?  A lot of whys? And how? How are we going to make this shop happen? How is it going to take shape? How are we going to handle the daily details? Why is there so much confusion? Why is this so difficult? Why can’t everyone just get along? Why can’t we all be on the same page? Why do we have to move right now in the middle of just opening a coffee house?  Should I go back to school? What will happen with Obi while I am in class or seeing clients? Where should I start my practicum? Where should I be in the Spring? What do I want to do after I graduate? Should we put our house up for sale? What am I going to make for dinner?

Hey there little blog and blog readers (is anyone still out there?)!  So, it has been a year. And I actually have a series of posts that recap the past crazy year.  But first there is something that has been tugging on me for the past week and so I am going to post that instead.  I am going to go ahead and warn you that it is long and it isn't exactly fluffy.

Motherhood. There are so many opinions out there these days on how to, and how not to be a good mom. I don’t normally voice my opinions super strongly. But I am starting to get really, really irritated with a current attitude in regards to parenting and more specifically: mothering.  There is a blog post that has been circulating for the last few days.  And, in that post the mom describes how difficult it can be to raise children and how, though not every moment can be described as enjoyable, we should hold on to the good and cherish what we can. I appreciated some of what she said, disagreed with other parts; but what floored me were the comments after the post.  Most were saying how hard it is to be a mom, and how they do count down the minutes until bedtime, and they won’t look back and miss the days when their kids were little, etc, etc. It was as I was reading the comments that I became super sad and angry.

I am sick of women giving up too easily. I am disgusted with the laziness that my generation of mothers exhibit. Being a mom isn’t easy, but it wasn’t meant to be. Is it not intended to be a crucible for us? Shouldn’t it be so? Since when do we think it is ok to complain about our kids and whine about how difficult they are making our lives? Why, oh why, do women do a count down till bedtime? How is that possibly a healthy way to live with and love on your child? If I knew that my husband, the person who is supposed to love me more than anyone else on earth, counted down the minutes until I went to bed and then he could be free, I would be crushed and would feel severely undervalued as a person.  How is that different than a mother/father towards their child? We are the person our child looks up to for love, patience, guidance, acceptance, and security. Should they not go to bed knowing that we will actually be excited to see them the next day?  I am not saying that I have it all together or that I relish every minute of every day. BUT, I think that I should aim to. Why not? Why settle for, “we made it to bed time and everyone is still alive”?  How is that honoring of my child?

I have one child. So, yes, I do not know yet the rigors associated with having multiple children.  I’ve had numerous people ask me why I haven’t had a second child yet.  Most give me the advice that it is best to just “have them and get it over with”.  I usually let those comments slide and just nod and smile. But that is NOT my philosophy in having a family.  I am not making a family just to check it off my list because it was what was next in my life stage. 

Before anyone thinks that I have it all together, let me share with you that I do not. I do not underestimate the difficulties that come with being a parent. I have felt at times like I am tied down and no longer free to do what I want. I too, have said more than once that I needed my kid to go to bed and it better be quick. BUT…I believe in living intentionally.  If I don’t intend for something to happen, it won’t.  I am in the process of figuring out what it really means to be a wife and mom.  What does that role encompass? In our home, it is ever changing and growing because, well, we are every changing and growing. The needs of my son when he was 2 weeks old are very different than they are now. However the role evolves there are some basic core values and principles that I need/want to implement.  If I miss these then I will have failed as a mother.

1-    VALUE - My son is valued human being that was created by God and is loved by God.  I need to treat him as such.

2-    APPRECIATE - My son, no matter his age, is a person with a distinct personality, likes, dislikes and characteristics.  He has something to offer to the whole family. His personhood contributes to who we are as a family.

3-    ESTEEM - My son did not choose to be born.  My husband and I chose to get pregnant and start a family.  I should never do or say anything that makes him seem insignificant or like he is a nuisance.  Does he do annoying things sometimes? Yes, of course he does, but his presence, is NOT annoying.

4-    LEARN and TEACH- As a mother, I can learn from my child, every bit as much as my child will learn from me. But, it is me that he is looking to for instruction. I need to be teaching in all areas of life. From the basics of how to pick up his toys and brush his teeth, to life skills, how to be a helper, how to love on someone, etc. There are time when I need to just quickly get a job done and that is OK, but when I can take the time to have him with me along side my chores/tasks I need to take advantage of that. His brain will change more between birth to 5 than it will at any other time of his life.  He will learn.  I need to make sure that he is learning what he needs to instead of waiting for that to happen on its own. This includes discipline and correction. That takes time, patience, and a heck of a lot of effort, and more than a bit of prayer.

5-    SPEAK LIFE - My words, actions, and tone need to impart that I value my son and what is important to him.  The words that I speak to my child, even off hand comments, can speak life or death to my son. If being a therapist has taught me anything it is that people take what other say to them and internalize it. More than one client has wept over a comment a parent made that insinuated how little regard they had for their child. Those are deep wounds and not ones I am willing to inflict.

6-    RESPECT - In as much as I would be respectful of a grown adult, I need to also be respectful of my child, whether he is two or sixteen or thirty-six.

7-    VALIDATE– I don’t really care about the sound that a train makes. Or that airplanes leave large vapor trails behind them. But it matters to my son. Do I need to pretend that it is as important to me as it is to him, absolutely not!  But I do need to take the time to verbally engage with him and validate his interests and curiosities. I need to make room for him to be a different person than I am, and I need to encourage him to develop the strengths that God has given him.

8-    AFFIRM – When I stop, get on his eye level, and tell my son that he is special to me and that I love him for who he is, he takes that in.  It comes out in the fact that he is securely attached to me and my husband.  He knows that who he is is acceptable to us. He doesn’t have to be or do anything different for us to love him.  Not many parents would say that they don’t feel that way about their kids.  But, too often I think we don’t allow our kids to truly know that we DO feel that way. How many times have we all heard people say that their experience of their parents makes it difficult for them to experience God as a loving Father? My kid is going to interact with God, his Creator, based (at least in some part) on what I modeled for him as a parent. THAT is scary to me.  That is a truly awesome task that I really don’t feel I have the skills for.  But, by golly, I am going to do everything within my ability to make sure that I smoothe the path for him to find Christ and the forgiveness and salvation that only can come from Him.

I often feel tired, defeated and like the day worked me rather than the other way. Being a stay-at-home mom means that everything that encompasses my “job” gets undone. Dishes, laundry, clean floors, the kitchen, the yard, you know what I mean!  I have told my husband on more than on occasion that it isn’t fair! When he goes to work he can complete a task and it stays completed!  The simple fact that it will just get undone again can be so unmotivating to me.  The fact that my kiddo runs over my toes with his truck while I am making dinner is aggravating. I am not a huge fan of wiping a dirty bottom. I really wish he would wipe his nose on a Kleenex instead of his sleeves. I really hate doing laundry, give me a houseful of toilets any day over laundry. I miss the interaction of coworkers. And I could go on and on. We all could. But if I make an intentional decision of what my attitude towards motherhood is going to be…don’t I want it to be something other than complaining or looking at the negative? Why not take back this thing called motherhood? It isn’t about being perfect.  I won’t ever be a perfect mom, I WILL lose my temper and say things I shouldn’t.  There will be days when I will cry and feel overwhelmed.  I’ve had those days and I am not naïve enough to think that I won’t have a few more of those ahead of me.  However, what a waste of time and energy if I just live to get through the years when my kid(s) is little.

I suppose that it boils down to the fact that I am unwilling to look past the blessing that is my kid and I choose to see him as anything other than that. What parent doesn't love their kid? But you know, I know a few parents that don't like their kids. That is inexcusable. God forbid that I should be ungrateful and unappreciative of the gift He gave me in my son.  When the hard and difficult moments of mothering come (because they will indeed come) let me choose to use those moments as a refining fire in which the Lord is using them to burn away my dross and draw me and my son closer to Him.

If I am going to leave my son with a message every. single. day. it better be something like this:
"Obadiah, I am so glad you are in my life. I am a better person because you are here. You bring joy and a whole lot of fun to the otherwise ordinary moments of each day. God created you because He wants to know you and be known by you. I like who you are. I enjoy being with you. I cherish who you are. You are a gift to me and I treasure you." This needs to come out in my actions and how I interact with him.  My kid is two and half.  If I told him that previous statement he would smile, nod, and go right back to his trains without really getting the concept of what I just told him.  But I tell ya what...how I treat him communicates loud and clear in way that he DOES understand.  And he does get the concept of whether he is being valued or not based on my actions. Sobering and humbling.  I definitely need God's grace every day. Thankfully His mercies are new every morning. I just need to ask for them. Being a mom is a daunting task. But I not willing to give up or fail to put in what I need to (and then some).  Can't we as fellow moms come together on that basis rather than the "this is so hard and I just can't wait till they are grown, and i am so tired that I don't care anymore, and I want to do something else, and being a mom isn't my favorite job, and it is so hard"?!  Let's run this race together and win!

a new year

I wrote my mortgage payment check the other day, and realized that I wrote it for 2010.  I always struggle to remember to write the new year correctly until about April, but I somehow feel this year it might be past April.  Last year FLEW by and it felt like it went just as quickly as it came.  You know how when you are a kid you wait all year for your birthday or Christmas or some other event and the days, weeks, months just draaaaaaag on and on.  Yeah, how come time isn't like that anymore?

Last year brought some major changes for our little family. Huge ones. For the most part they were decisions that we actively chose.  It feels good to be on a "path" per se. We are totally open to God changing our path/plan, but until we hear Him tell us to do something differently, we are moving forward with our plans.  I liked that part of last year.  I liked the intentionality of it and the fact that we tried to not let life just happen to us.

This year is starting out with us opening up a little coffee shop in our downtown.  We are hoping to open within a few weeks (though it may be a few more than that).  There have been a lot of late nights and a lot of time home alone with my kiddo at night.  I have a newfound appreciation for single parents.  It's not cool folks, not cool at all! But, we feel like God is guiding us in this and has surely blessed our endeavors already. We are excited to see it open and for it to be a fun space for people to meet, mingle, eat, drink, and just enjoy friendships...new and old.

Mostly though, I am excited to see what it is that God has for me personally, and for our little family this year.  I know that I cannot expect for all things to be good, but I do know that in whatever it is that God does send my/our way that He is with us. And that thought is truly comforting.  No matter what changes, or how fast it changes, God remains the same.  I suppose that is partially why He is referred to as a "Rock".

30 mintues

Thirty minutes seems like a decent chunk of time, right?  Em...no!  It's not.  I have spent the past three days of taking my kid to the toilet every 30 minutes.  Do you know how much other stuff I have gotten done?  Not a whole lot.  My darn phone alarm is going off all the time it seems.  I just get my elbows all soapy in the sink again and then the buzzer goes off.

We are figuring it out though.  Slowly, but we are making it!  Sorry if I haven't called anyone this week, it's not that I am gone somewhere or doing anything fun.  Nope, just spending some time near the ol' pot.  My husband came home yesterday and took one look at the bathroom and said "Yeah, so it looks like you have  spent a fair amount to time in here today".

Obi is doing great.  Getting there. We've almost got the peeing down to a science, one tiny accident this morning.  Otherwise dry even at naps and while grocery shopping.  We've had two big-businesses get wished a fond farewell down the swirling water. He is so pleased with himself when that happens. It's kinda cute.

I didn't really plan out that this was going to happen this week.  I mean, I had joked about it and had started the "going on the potty" conversations.  But, this is it...we are going to make it.  Probably not without a few accidents, but we are just taking it one day at a time.  Or, every 30 minutes at a time, is more like it!

Tis the season...

Whew...my busy weekend is over.  I took an hour and a half nap this afternoon, but I loved every minute of all the chaos preceding and during this weekend.  I got my house all ready for the parade with the babysitting help of my momma, and an hour from my brother filling "litter bombs" (also known as Luminaries) as he called them...my sweet husband threw together a screensaver of classic Christmas movies to play while our stereo crooned carols. Sorry the lighting was so bad in these pictures, but here ya go!

 See the popcorn and cranberries??  It turned out super cute!!

 Nothing special, just a little bathroom decor.

 Our guest room...with that screensaver.

 Obi's room!!

 Ohh..a sweet Reindeer boy. :-)

 The master...red and white.

 And, my old nutcracker that I bought after going to the nutcracker ballet when I was in 5th grade.

It was fun...busy, but fun!  Merry Christmas

going old school

My house is on a tour of homes for Christmas.  I don't have a ton of Christmas decor, but my mom-in-law sent me home from Thanksgiving with a couple buckets of stuff...for which my wallet is eternally grateful! We've put up most of the decorations and are almost done with the house.  I'll take some pictures when it is all done and show you what it looks like.  But, tonight a sweet friend is coming over and I am going to pop in a Christmas movie and then we are going to do a little classic decorating project.  Oh yeah!  We are going to combine this-

with this...

and hopefully it will look as pretty as this...

But, if not it will have only cost me $1.50 for three bags of cranberries and some popped corn and I will still have had a great time with my friend.  If it looks good when we are done then I am going to wrap it through some garland that is hanging over a doorway.  I love the classic and simple look of Christmas.  I am not huge into the trendy funky colors.  I just like for my home to feel cozy, warm, and relaxing. The big trick with this project will be keeping the dog from eating the popcorn.  Wish me luck...I am gonna need it!  ;-)   I'll let you know how it goes. 

high places

I am pretty sure that teething goes hand in hand with the punishment that Eve brought upon us women. Can I get an Amen? Obadiah has been cutting his four incisors for the past month, and the majority of that time has been painful for him and therefore painful for us.  Coupled with the fact that he isn't napping/sleeping well, has a bit of a cold and cough, and can't adequately communicate...well, this means that today was rough. The past few days, no, the past two weeks have been really rough.  I won't lie.  There were tears today.  And an argument with my sweet husband that came home at lunch time to try and help. And I wasn't entirely cheerful as I was changing a dirty diaper of screaming, kicking little boy.

And as I was doing a pile of dishes the Lord and I had a little conversation that went like this.
Me: "Lord, I need some help here.  I want to be patient, kind, and loving."
God: "Come away my child".
Me: "But, I have this pile of dishes to do before Obi wakes up.  It will be impossibly hard to do once he gets up".
God: "I know, but this is more important".
Me: "Can I just get this sink-full done and then come?"
God: "Yes, I am here waiting for you."

I so wish that I had just left the dishes.  They would have waited.  Why did I let God wait, and not the dishes?  Just as I was rinsing off the last one and I was flipped the switch off on the garbage disposal I heard a little voice crying.  My chance for solitude and quiet for my soul was gone.

Thankfully, God worked a small miracle with my kiddo and had him occupied for a few minutes in his room later on and I crept over to my bible and laptop.  What I came to was this, " yet I will rejoice in he Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to on the heights." Habakuk 3:18-19.  I must find my strength in the Lord and I must choose to rejoice and be joyful. Ah...that is so hard to do.  But He says that He enables me to go on to the heights.  Maybe today my "heights" are only making it through a day without giving in to the temptation to be upset or lose my patience.  But today that would truly have been a "height".  So that is what I asked for, and that is what I meditated on throughout the rest of my afternoon.  That God would enable me to go to the high places.  From there I can see beyond myself and my little corner of the world.  Fortunately, His mercies are new every morning.  I am going to need some mercy and some enabling of my feet tomorrow.  But I would rather live striving towards the high place rather than spiraling downward into myself and my little problems. 

You know what I newly discovered today?  Choosing to be joyful and to rejoice in the Lord makes for a much more pleasant day, for both myself and my family. And really, the life God has blessed me with is fantastic, warts and all.

one week until...

I am in Kansas for Thanksgiving.  I told Jason that I don't want to eat pickled herring this year.  Made a horrid mistake my first thanksgiving with the Kansas side of his family.  I didn't run from Grandpa Daniels when he pulled out some toothpicks and shoved them into the herring.  I should have known that he was going to aim for my mouth with the herring.  My husband's grandparents drive all the way to a special town to pick up that gunk.  It is a highlight for them, one in which they love to share with everyone who is too dumb to quickly stuff something else in their mouth right as Grandpa makes his aim. I am smarter now.  I have several "Kansas Thanksgivings" under my belt and my escape routes are well mapped. 

But, as much as I am NOT a fan of Grandpa's herring...I do love the games of mexican train that follow the big dinner, and the handmade potato chips that precede it.  I partake in the annual tradition of bringing out everyone's Black Friday fliers and making a huge list of where we are all going to shop and what time of the night, er...morning, we are meeting up. I love the laughs and hugs and the parade.  I am so very thankful for this family that so graciously welcomed me into their clan eight years ago.  They have truly made me one of them and it is nice to belong.

A week from now I will most likely be out shopping with the crazy women of Jason's family. Last year I was still breastfeeding so I didn't go at 4am.  This year, I am leaving my two men home and I am going out for some strong coffee to start the day and then some good sales to sweeten it with.

not happenin'

You know that stuffed bunny I was attempting to make??  Well, it has been an epic fail.  Multiple tries, a wreck of a spare room, and many hours later...  I have decided that my calling in life is not to make stuffed toys.  Tomorrow I am going to the store and we are going to buy one.  Not the same as a sweet homemade toy, but I just CANNOT justify sending an already poor kid a little toy animal that looks like it has be maimed.  I want the kid to be happy when he opens his box, not permanently scarred.

It was worth a try though.  But the adage of "if at first you don't succeed...try, try again" does not apply in this scenario.  It really doesn't. I promise!

today

today I .....

went for a super long walk with my mom.  It was great.  We stopped to feed some horses, played with Obi on a playground, and just enjoyed each other's company.  Being adults together is WAY better than me being a teen and living at home.   Yeah, I tortured her.  I am sorry about that now.

went shopping for a new top to wear to have our family pictures taken this afternoon.  Should I have gone shopping earlier than the DAY OF?!  Yes.  I should have.

am enjoying the cloudy, morose, feeling of the weather.  It is cool, but not cold.  It is overcast, but not pouring rain.  There is a faint musty smell of leaves in the wind, and it reminds me of "home".  I don't know why it does because I didn't grow up with a fall season, but never the less....when I smell those fallen leaves I feel all cosy and comforted by home.  Weird, huh?!

made a cup of hot cider and coffee at breakfast.  Both are sitting half full on the counter.  I am a horrible drinker.  This is how I know that I will never become an alcoholic.  If I can't drink a whole cup of hot, creamy, deliciously sweet coffee while it is still hot and my body needs the caffeine...then my shot at downing too much alcohol is not that great.

am going to make a little stuffed bunny to put in our shoebox for Operation Christmas Child.  If it doesn't turn out so well then I will go buy a little stuffed toy, but I wanted make something for the little boy.  Maybe he won't know that I made it, but I will.  I will pray for this little boy while I make it and hope that he will feel loved when he opens that box.

have Food Network on.  I find that channel so comforting.  I just wish that I could smell what they are cooking.

am putting vegetable beef soup in the crock pot for dinner.  The cloudy weather is begging for some warm soup and corn muffins this evening.

am going to spend some time reading with my kiddo.  More than just before bed time.  He and I fit perfectly in the rocking chair together.  One day we won't. So, today I am going to soak up some of that sweet time together.

really want to dye my hair super blonde.  But I am chicken, so I won't.  I had a bad experience once in college.  It involved henna, and a hat to cover it up, and a comment that my hair somewhat resembled an orange highlighter. I've been a little dye-shy since.

There is a brief look into my day. Nothing fancy schmancy, just a little bit of my ordinary.

scones and the like

Umm...so where did the past week go to?  It is the middle of October already.  I am FINALLY starting to feel more settled in the new place.  Today I hung up pictures and put the last of the boxes in the garage.  I have decided that I both love and hate having a one story house.  I don't ever have to worry about Obi falling down stairs now, but he now has free reign of the entire place!  Between Obi and Pooka I am constantly picking up one mess or another.  It is outta control y'all.  Fortunately, Obs thinks it is equally as fun to pick up toys as it is to get them out. The hard thing in this house is the kitchen cupboards.  Our last place mainly had drawers on the lower cabinets, and he wasn't too worried about opening them.  But, my odds of finding a clean pot lid are slim to none here in this house.  He is soooo proud of himself that I have a hard time chiding him for "getting into Mommy's toys". Clean pot lids are overrated anyways.

I don't have any pictures for my post today.  But I do have a question.  Do any of you have a fabulous muffin, scone, snack-ish recipes you'd like to share?  I am in the process of putting together the menu for the coffee shop.  There are so many options out there.  So many fantastic fall yummies. I am pretty sure that all that weight I lost in the past few months is about to go right back onto my thighs.  Crossing my fingers that it won't.  A daily walk won't hurt either.  Anyways, share your fave and if it makes it onto the menu, I'll name it after you.

This week was SO much better than last.  I'll admit, I was almost in tears Monday night.  Those darn hormones.  How's a woman supposed to get any peace in her life if they are causing a ruckus?  But, a few mornings of getting up before my sweet wee one, some time spent with the Lord, several cups of coffee and tea, and many walks in the fresh air have significantly helped my mood and my attitude.

Since I don't have any pictures for you, I will leave you with a recipe that I found from Annie's Eats.  If you haven't ever read her blog then you must DROP what you are doing (unless of course you are holding a baby) and go read it.  Ah-mazing.  I am making these this week.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Oatmeal Raspberry Scones

Ingredients:
1 large egg
½ cup cold buttermilk
1 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/3 cups old-fashioned oats
1/3 cup sugar
1 tbsp. baking powder
½ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. salt
Pinch of nutmeg
10 tbsp. cold unsalted butter, grated on a large grater or cut into small pieces
¾ cup fresh or frozen raspberries

Directions: 
Preheat the oven to 400˚ F.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.

Combine the egg and buttermilk in a liquid measuring cup.  Stir together; set aside.

Whisk together the flour, oats, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt and nutmeg in a large mixing bowl.  Add the butter to the bowl and toss.  Cut the butter into the flour mixture with a pastry blender or fork until the mixture so that the mixture is crumbly.  Pour the egg and buttermilk mixture into the dry ingredients and mix with a fork just until incorporated (the mixture will be sticky).  Fold in the berries just until incorporated (be particularly gentle if using fresh berries).  Gently knead the dough 6-10 times, just until it comes together into a sticky dough.  Portion the dough out into 8-12 scones, depending on the size you prefer, and transfer to the prepared baking sheet.  (A large dough scoop is a good tool, but not necessary.)

Bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown.  Transfer to a cooling rack and let cool for at least 10 minutes before serving.

yo-yo

Please tell me that other women besides me have days/weeks in life where they feel like they are on an emtional yo-yo!  The past two weeks I have felt hormonal and just not right.  Mostly I have been feeling frustrated, irritable, and just easily upset. This weekend was spent arguing with my husband, and disciplining my kid.  My husband and I have argued more in the last two weeks than we have in months. I even took a pregnancy test the other day to just make sure that I couldn't blame that type of hormone on my recent attitude issues.  And no, I am not pregnant.   I don't know whether it is just that I need more sleep, or the move affected me more than I thought, or that I am stressed.   Thankfully tomorrow is a new day, a new week and a fresh start.  I plan on starting it early in the morning, on my porch with a cup of coffee and my Bible.  If anything is going to recharge my batteries, it will be time with the Lord. 

I am blessed.  No matter my feelings, I need to focus on the Lord and the ways in which He has blessed me.  Here is one of those blessings. A cute one, don't you think?

online again

We moved. That is my excuse this time for the lack of posting.  We moved and it just took me a while to get the other house in shape and this one somewhat unpacked.  I have a complete lack of motivation to decorate this house, even though it is cute as a button and I should be thinking of all sorts of ways to make it into my new home.   I'll get there. 

We have been sick too.  My first bout with cleaning up my kiddo's throw-up was this weekend.  I won't go into details, but I will say that it did involve me taking my pants off in a public restroom so that I could rinse them out in a sink.  My kid was mostly naked in a restaurant.  It was not our most stellar evening. I am happy to report that my "mom instinct" kicked in and I didn't even gag while cleaning it up.  Secretly I have always been worried that the instinct wouldn't work for me. 

I found me camera battery recharger today.  Whew...I was worried it had gotten really lost.  I'll take some pics of the new place and post them.  I really am thankful for our new home.  I am just grieving the loss of my stove.  I loved that thing.  Maybe a little too much.  Pretty sure that if this home wasn't only electric I would sneak back in the old house and somehow haul that thing to my new kitchen.  Sigh. I am pathetic.  I know.

Anyways, I am happy that we getting settled and things are normalizing a bit.  I like normal life.  At least, I like it sometimes.

I neeeeeeeeed one

Ok, this week has been busy.  No, no, this week has been CRAZY!  And this, dear friend, is exactly what I need.

Not just a "oh, that would be nice to have right about now".  No, this is a chin the air, hands gripping the hair, eyes squeezed shut... "I neeeeeeeed some".

I am on day 4 of being home without my hubs. This means I am a single momma for the week. How's it going you ask?!  Obadiah = hilariously funny, Obadiah also = getting into every possession that his father and I own. Which, on an average, or even not-so-average week I don't mind.  I am all for him delving into his exploratory curiosity.  But on this week o' pure chaos I need him to reign in that curiosity just a little.

We are moving in two days.  We found out about this move 12 days ago, and though we are just moving about a mile from where we currently live, there are a million details to take care of.  And, let's face it....moving before we had kids, and moving now that we have a kid are two totally different scenarios.   The current moving scenario goes a little like this:

Me packing and cleaning.  Obi unpacking and un-cleaning everything I just packed and cleaned.  Obi naps.  I pack and clean.  Obi gets up, and mysteriously I find my skillets on the living room carpet, the oil paints are littered around as if he was leaving breadcrumbs to find his way.  I currently have a huge pile of toilet paper that has been gleefully unwound off the tube.  This means yet another dose of fumbling around looking for the end of the paper when getting up to pee at night.

At this moment the wee man is in his bed for the night and though the sun is no longer shining I am "making hay".  Hence, the absolute NEED for some coffee.  Four nights of going to bed at 1am are catching up with me, but press on I must.  Because, if I can get a few more things in a box and tape it SHUT, then there are that many fewer items for my son to get into.  Heading down to the coffee pot now. I still have a solid 4 hours before I will crash. Nighty-night!

a baby bug

In the past two weeks I have been to see two brand new babies.  They were both so soft, sweet, sleepy, and just PERFECT!  It reminded me of how much I loved holding Obi when he was just hours old.  One of my all time favorite memories of him was that first night.  I had given birth, fed him, made phone calls, got cleaned/stitched up, and then came the quiet of the night.  Jason was passed out on the couch, and the nurse came in quietly to check on us.  She checked Obi's temps and said he was a little cool, but if I would move over a little in the bed she would put him next to me and he would warm up a bit.  I carefully moved myself over and then his little snuggly body was all cuddled next to mine.  I could hear him softly breathe in and out and he had that fresh newborn scent.  It was heaven on earth.   AHH!!  Seeing those two little babes in the last week and a bit has made me thing "Oh, I need another one".  THere is just something so sweet about a fresh baby.  :-)

But, then I walk out of the hospital and my head suddenly gets screwed on a little tighter and I realize, nah...I don't need another one just yet.  One day, but not today!  To all of you mothers that have kids a year or so apart, props to you. I literally have no clue how you do it.   I cannot fathom bringing home a newborn with Obi being at his current stage/age and ability level.  I guess God only gives you what you can handle and He KNOWS that I cannot handle that.  I did treasure seeing my dearest friend hold her sweet one though.  There just isn't anything that can compare to a mother holding her new baby.

Congratulations E.  You did it!   I am so proud of you, and I look up to you so much as a fellow mom.  I know you would say that you are far from being a perfect mom, but you are pretty darn close!  Your kiddos are blessed and very well loved.  Little A is very lucky boy to be born into your family.  Blessings on you all.

new wheels

Not sure I am cool enough to drive this thing, but I am loving it!  I am totally loving the fact that there aren't any bubbles in the window tint, and that the locks work all the time, and that the doors don't screach when they are opened, and that there isn't a crack in the windshield, and that the AC works, and that it is easy to put Obi in and out of, and that the sound system is AH-MAZING, and that there isn't a dent in the front side, and oh...that it runs!!  :-)

I am blessed.  And I am thankful.  God has provided yet again. 

plans change

We left for Kansas on Friday thinking that we'd go up for a visit to my in-laws, wander around the state fair, and come home on Sunday afternoon after a birthday dinner with my husband's grandma.  And though we did wander the fair and have lunch with Nana...we did not come home on Sunday afternoon.  No.  No we did not.  We pulled in our driveway at 3:30 Tuesday morning. In between pulling out of our driveway on Friday and coming back home Tuesday, is a long saga of a tired and worn out 96 Honda.  And, it was so worn out that it basically said to us "nope, I am not doing it!  I am not going to take you back to Arkansas".  And just like that our carefully laid out plans of buying a car next year dissolved. 

But seeing as we kind of needed a way to get home, we wandered our Wichita Monday afternoon, signed papers Monday night, and left my mother-in-law's Late Monday night in a new (to us) car.  I almost needed a brown paper bag to breathe in and out of.  I was hyperventilating over this decision...because it was a large one.  For the most part, this was the conversation going on in my head:
Breathe in "what did we just do??  AGH!!"
Breathe out "ok, well, we DID need a car". 
Breathe in "but it isn't in the plan".
Breath out "well, it was in the long range plan".
Breathe in "What would Dave Ramsey say".
Breathe out "He would say that we made a mostly good choice, especially given the circumstances".

You get the picture.  I love, love, love the car, and am still trying to get used to it.  I did keep telling myself that though this past weekend was a surprise to me and my bank account... it was not a surprise to God.  He knew it was coming, and what we would do. So we just prayed that God would help us make a good and wise decision and that if we got going in the wrong direction that he would put a huge road block in front of us. 

I don't havea  picture of me in my new car, but i'll take one and post it soon.  I gotta catch my breath first.  Pass that brown paper bag, won't you?!

an encouragement

I have a confession.  I am horrible about making my quiet time with the Lord a priority. I want it to be. I need it to be.  But often it is not.  There are excuses and of course, there is some modicum of legitimacy to a few of those excuses, but most have none. However, today was a day where I spent time in the Word.  And, as is always true...God was ever so present in His word today.  I LOVE that the Word is as fresh today as it was when the author was blowing on the pages so that the ink would dry.

Today the verses that so encouraged me was this:

You still the hunger of those you cherish;
their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children.
And I - in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake,
I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
Psalm 17:14b - 15

As a beloved of our King, I am cherished!  Not only that, but He allows for us to see His face. Oh how my heart longs to see the likeness of the King in me.  I don't know how to express in words how these verses encouraged my heart today.  Maybe they were meant just for me today, but I hope that they are an encouragement to you too. 

hiatus

When I last posted on this dear little blog, it was with every intention that I would come back to it within a few days.  Somehow the past four months whooshed (is that a word?) past me and here I sit...listening to the rain patter on my skylight, and the smells and beginnings of fall are right in front of me. Umm, how did that happen? No, seriously!! Going into this summer I knew that it would be a busy one, but I didn't quite anticipate the magnitude of it.  And, yes, I definitly had time within the last four months to blog. But somehow it felt like I had nothing to say.  Nothing meaningful or witty.  Not even anything dull and mundane.  And so I took an unintended hiatus from the blogging world. I've missed this place though.  There were a few of you (all 6) that check my blog on a daily basis despite my severe lack of posting. Somehow it felt reassuring to know that someone out there was checking to see if I was still around.   I am...still here that is!  And, did you notice the new look of my blog?  It was about time that I change it up a bit.  I am rather excited about it.  Gone is the boring, brown drab.  I needed something fresh and new, and for now, I like it. 

Towards the end of summer I started doing some baking for a local restaurant.  I am still green at it, but enjoying (mostly) the journey.  There are days when I wonder if I have indeed lost my ever-loving-mind.  But the satisfaction of the accomplishment usually trumps my moments of insanity.  Want to see?

Overall it has been fun.  Time consuming, but fun. I may post a recipe every now and then.  I've got some super yummy ones that I have recently found.

In the last month my baby has turned into a little boy.  He is more grown-up every day and I love watching him develop and change.  His personality is so very sweet and charming.  He is more than I could have hoped for.

And, somewhere in this summer me and the hubs celebrated five years of marriage.  It feels like forever and also the beginning all at the same time. I love that man. He drives me crazy sometimes, but I really wouldn't change that much about him.

Anyways, it is late and the rain is lulling me off to sleep. So before I start typing things that don't make sense I am gonna call it a night. 

This past month has been ridiculous.  Seriously.  I thought that when I would be stay at home mom that life may get boring and mundane.  Ummm..not my life.  It seems like there is always something going on.  And, even though I really couldn't recall to you what all has happened in the past thirty days, it was crazy...really, it was. 

This next week my parents will be arriving in town.  Their stuff arrived Thursday and I was there with the movers to get it all inside the four walls of their new abode. It was SO other-worldly to see my little yellow schwinn bike (from when I was a kid...they've had it in their garage for years) show up in Arkansas. I don't know, I mean, that piece of my life was ages ago and belonged in a memory, or at least in my parents garage in Colorado. Not in Arkansas.  The place where I grew into an adult.  The place where I became a wife...and a mother.  Crazy I tell you.

But this week is the week that my parents are arriving. I am gonna head over there tomorrow and Tuesday and do some cleaning/organizing and just kind of set a few things up.  My folks are exhausted and I don't want them to feel too overwhelmed when they get here.  My dad picked the house out...my mom has yet to see it.  So, I want to help make a great first impression for her. 

We are also going to Kansas this week to celebrate Jason's grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary.  How amazing is that?  The phenomenal thing is that they are still crazy in love.  They aren't together because of a contractual agreement, but because they can't live without each other.  I want to be like that 55 years from now. 

So, busy week.  Good. But busy.  Hopefully I will get back here before another month flies past me. We'll see.