2011 recap #1

Ah…2011. What a year. Without a doubt, it was a hard year. Good in many ways too, but mostly hard. This little blog became very neglected because I mainly knew not what to write about or how to put down what I was thinking…and then there is the little thing about time. Yeah, I was lacking a little in that category too. But, even where there were moments that I could have stolen away and written, I was overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed I shut down. A chunk of 2011, if I am honest, was spent with me feeling somewhat like a robot emotionally. Doing what I did because it had to be done, but not because I had that much passion or excitement behind my actions. I’ve seen a few people do this thing called “reverb”. It is intended for the month of December as a way to reflect upon the past year. But, oh well, better late than never, right?

Where did 2011 begin? At our rental house on Wright Street. A couple friends came. My youngest brother was there. Obi was in bed. We watched a movie. It was relaxed. Uneventful. Not like the rest of 2011.

Who did you meet? A LOT of people. Probably met more new people this year than I have in a while. See, this past year we built a coffee shop and I went back to graduate school. Some of the people I met have become good friends, and my life is richer because of them. Nicole for one…she was someone we hired to be a manager at the coffee shop. I took an instant liking to her and though we are opposite in personalities, she is sweet, sincere, insightful, loyal, and an ever-encourager.  Katie…I sat across the room from her during my first class back in school. Me in all my judgmental wisdom (NOT) thought that she and I would probably never be friends because she appeared to be such a good person.  She has turned out to be that good person after all and such a blessing to my life. She is one of my colleagues that I most enjoy doing school/counseling with.  Clients…I started seeing clients this fall. It has been so humbling and such a blessing at the same time. I am truly floored that God has given me this opportunity.

What books did you read? This spring I read the Mark of a Lion series. So good. Really. After school started, well a lot of counseling books.  Crazy by Pete Earley, revolutionized what I thought I knew about the mental health system in the US.

When did you struggle? When did I not? This year was rough. Really rough. I struggled with building the shop and juggling home stuff and being a mom to a toddler. I struggled with the finances of making the shop happen. I struggled with letting go of my time to spend with friends or do things that I enjoy. I struggled being a good wife and mom, sister and daughter. I struggled with moving. I wrestled with the decision to go back to school. I struggled with family issues. I struggled with being misunderstood when it really mattered. I struggled with feeling more alone than I have ever felt before. I struggled with feeling like I did’t matter. The list goes on, but I’ll spare you.

What did you discover? That I love school. That God has really called me into this counseling profession.  You know that whisper that God speaks sometimes? God has used that a couple times this semester reassuring me that THIS is where I am supposed to be a the moment. It is pivotal for me as a person, and probably one of the most important, positive defining moments of this past year.

Who was important to you? Elizabeth. Through thick and thin, she has been there.  She has made time for me when I was bawling and barely comprehendible on the phone, and she rejoiced when there were happy moments too.  Her advice is always balanced. She challenges me to be better, love more, and to never give up.

What do you hope to remember? That feeling of awe and gentleness in meeting with a client. I don’t want to lose that. I never want to become callous or jaded. That this was the year that Obi became a mini-boy. He really spent such a short time in the toddler phase of life. It was like he went straight from being a baby to being a boy overnight. He is hilarious and so much fun. Things he said this week:

-       “Mom, you are my favorite kid.”

-       “No mom, you don’t jump in the shower. You will fall and hurt self. It is dangerous, no jumping in shower.”

-       Me: “Obi, please ask the dog if he wants to go for a walk”  Obi: “No mom, Pooka is not a talker-boy, he just barks”.

-       Me: “hey mom, I’ll just throw Obi in the tub real quick so you don’t have to when I am gone for class”. Obi: “Noooooooo….mom, don’t throw me in the tub!!!”  Took some time to convince him that wasn’t literally going to throw him into the tub.

Where did you spend money? HA! The coffee shop. Every last extra penny from January through October went there. Well, at least it seemed and felt that way.

When were you most scared? Hmm…I don’t know. I don’t get truly scared that often. Fearful, yes.  That was something I dealt with a lot. Of trying to overcome my fears…mostly to do with money.  Managing the books of the coffee shop was not good for my blood pressure. J God provided every.single.week. But it was a constant battle for me to trust and rest in that. Towards the end, I felt like I was making progress in that, but I definitely learned more about what scripture talks about in regards to taking every thought captive. It is so easy to let your mind wander and get away from you, and before you know it you are sucked down into the rabbit hole that leads to nowhere but your worst fears. And, Fearville is an awful place to dwell.

What questions did you ask?  A lot of whys? And how? How are we going to make this shop happen? How is it going to take shape? How are we going to handle the daily details? Why is there so much confusion? Why is this so difficult? Why can’t everyone just get along? Why can’t we all be on the same page? Why do we have to move right now in the middle of just opening a coffee house?  Should I go back to school? What will happen with Obi while I am in class or seeing clients? Where should I start my practicum? Where should I be in the Spring? What do I want to do after I graduate? Should we put our house up for sale? What am I going to make for dinner?