It is 3:56...and I am awake! Having only slept for about 45 minutes tonight, I can most assuredly say that I am tired. Why, oh why, dear eyes can you not stay closed?
We went to the Dr. today for my 40 week check up. Still 2cm dilated, but I am 75% effaced. Unless he makes his own grand entrance, we will be checking into the hospital at 5am on Thursday morning and we'll start the gig. I am relieved to know there is an end in sight. I have had quite a few contractions tonight, 30 t0 be exact since midnight, but there isn't any regularity of timing or strength. I am still praying that he decides to come on his own.
That's all I got for now. If I wasn't so tired I would try and come up with something clever to write about, but my brain is mush. The only pleasant thing about being awake tonight is that I have been listening to the rain pitter patter on my skylight. Such a sweet and relaxing sound.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Baby room complete
Jason and I finally finished all the projects for the baby's room today. Well, truth be told, Jason finished all the projects. I organized some diapers, added my opinion (which just made his day harder), and I took some pictures. So...way to go Jason for being an awesome dad already! Tomorrow is the due date. I am just hanging out like a beached whale waiting for this kid to come out. I keep telling him that he really can't stay in there forever and please do come out! So far he hasn't been obedient. Hope this isn't a sign of things to come.
Here are some pictures of his room:
#1- a little bookshelf and his basket of stuffed animals. So far we haven't had any go missing because of the dog, although he is mighty interested in them.
#2 - Jason made this awesome rope shelves to hang above his dresser. They are SO cute and I love 'em.
#3 We decided to go with an airplane theme in his room and we are pretty excited about it. All the ultrasounds we had done said he is a boy...but if for some reason we come home with a girl, we've got to change a lot around. This room is pretty boyish!
Yesterday Jason spotted this antique model bi-plane hanging from outside an junk store. We pulled into the parking lot and hopped out. The lady sold it for $29!!! We've been searching and searching for something this cool, but hadn't had any luck. They had no idea that what they sold us was well worth over $150-200. Needless to say we are excited about it.
Ok...so that's about it. Nothing else happening really. Tomorrow is the due date, so we'll see if he was just waiting for that.
Here are some pictures of his room:
#1- a little bookshelf and his basket of stuffed animals. So far we haven't had any go missing because of the dog, although he is mighty interested in them.
#2 - Jason made this awesome rope shelves to hang above his dresser. They are SO cute and I love 'em.
#3 We decided to go with an airplane theme in his room and we are pretty excited about it. All the ultrasounds we had done said he is a boy...but if for some reason we come home with a girl, we've got to change a lot around. This room is pretty boyish!
Yesterday Jason spotted this antique model bi-plane hanging from outside an junk store. We pulled into the parking lot and hopped out. The lady sold it for $29!!! We've been searching and searching for something this cool, but hadn't had any luck. They had no idea that what they sold us was well worth over $150-200. Needless to say we are excited about it.
Ok...so that's about it. Nothing else happening really. Tomorrow is the due date, so we'll see if he was just waiting for that.
Friday, July 17, 2009
277 down...3 to go
I am three days from my due date. The waiting is killing me, I have to keep myself busy or I just get grumpy. ;-) Any other new mommas-to-be feel like that?! As of Wednesday I am 2cm dilated and 25% effaced. The tentative schedule now is go back to the Dr on Monday for my 40 week check-up, and if nothing has happened by then, we will have a scheduled induction on Wednesday night! SO...if nothing else, we will see our baby by Thursday morning/afternoon sometime.
Fortunately, my mom came in on Tuesday night, so I've had her here to hang out with, talk with and do any last minute things. I don't know that I have ever had any length of time to myself with my mom (since I am one of 5 kids), so I am cherishing our time together.
Other than that, we are just chilling out and doing any safe exercises possible that will help wiggle this baby loose. ;-)
Fortunately, my mom came in on Tuesday night, so I've had her here to hang out with, talk with and do any last minute things. I don't know that I have ever had any length of time to myself with my mom (since I am one of 5 kids), so I am cherishing our time together.
Other than that, we are just chilling out and doing any safe exercises possible that will help wiggle this baby loose. ;-)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
waiting
I have officially been done with work for 8 weeks as of tomorrow. Crazy! I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. Since I was still in school for 6 weeks of that, I did keep rather busy with classes and homework. The past two weeks have been blissfully wide open to spend time with friends, do last minute projects around my house, and enjoy life. However, that being said, I am not a person who enjoys endless hours of nothing structured to do....especially when I am just waiting for this baby to arrive.
I have a mere 10 days, 1 hour and 40 minutes to go until my due date. The last appointment I went to the dr said that I was just starting to dilate a little and that his wee head is all set to go. My mom is coming on Tuesday evening and is super anxious about the baby coming before she gets here. Since I am the only girl in my family, my birthing experience will probably be her only chance to be in the delivery room when all the "action" takes place. :-) I am nervous about her being there, partially because I am afraid I just may say a bad word because of the pain (and I am not sure my mother knows any bad words), and partially because I really have no clue of what to expect. Regardless, my mom was a nurse and had five kids herself...so she may know a few things that will be helpful. On the other hand, my poor dear husband is simply in agony waiting for his son to appear. He wants his wife back and he wants to hold his baby. We've discussed the whole 6 weeks of recouperation time after the birth, but I think he would be satisfied to just hold me close without my giant belly being in the way.
And, what do I want? I am not sure. I really am about to go nuts just wondering what he will look like. I dread going to bed at night because I am so uncomfortable and rolling over is painful. Almost every morning I wake up at 4:30 and can't fall asleep for an hour or two...so I often feel very unrested in the morning. I am so ready to have my body return to a somewhat normal shape, to have my feet and ankles fit into something other than my flip flops, and to be able to only use the restroom 4/5 times a day instead. BUT...I am nervous about pushing this kid out. I am cherishing these last few days of time with my husband...just us two. I am soaking in the ease of getting in and out of my car without having to lug a carseat with me. There is a gentle, clean and organized peace in my house these days and I LOVE IT!
So, I guess what all that sums up is that I am making the most of the last few days/hours before my dear wee one arrives, but I am SO looking forward to meeting my boy. Whatever happens, he will be mine and I love him so much already.
I have a mere 10 days, 1 hour and 40 minutes to go until my due date. The last appointment I went to the dr said that I was just starting to dilate a little and that his wee head is all set to go. My mom is coming on Tuesday evening and is super anxious about the baby coming before she gets here. Since I am the only girl in my family, my birthing experience will probably be her only chance to be in the delivery room when all the "action" takes place. :-) I am nervous about her being there, partially because I am afraid I just may say a bad word because of the pain (and I am not sure my mother knows any bad words), and partially because I really have no clue of what to expect. Regardless, my mom was a nurse and had five kids herself...so she may know a few things that will be helpful. On the other hand, my poor dear husband is simply in agony waiting for his son to appear. He wants his wife back and he wants to hold his baby. We've discussed the whole 6 weeks of recouperation time after the birth, but I think he would be satisfied to just hold me close without my giant belly being in the way.
And, what do I want? I am not sure. I really am about to go nuts just wondering what he will look like. I dread going to bed at night because I am so uncomfortable and rolling over is painful. Almost every morning I wake up at 4:30 and can't fall asleep for an hour or two...so I often feel very unrested in the morning. I am so ready to have my body return to a somewhat normal shape, to have my feet and ankles fit into something other than my flip flops, and to be able to only use the restroom 4/5 times a day instead. BUT...I am nervous about pushing this kid out. I am cherishing these last few days of time with my husband...just us two. I am soaking in the ease of getting in and out of my car without having to lug a carseat with me. There is a gentle, clean and organized peace in my house these days and I LOVE IT!
So, I guess what all that sums up is that I am making the most of the last few days/hours before my dear wee one arrives, but I am SO looking forward to meeting my boy. Whatever happens, he will be mine and I love him so much already.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
processing
I have taken a blogging hiatus for the past two weeks...partially because I've been busy with a trip up to Wichita, finishing up my class for the summer, getting ready for Baby Herron and spending time with sweet friends. But partially it is because I am processing some family happenings at the moment...and am lost in my thoughts, prayers and the uncertainty of it all.
Starting with the suicide of my uncle earlier this month my family has seemed to have one crisis after another. I've spent hours on the phone back and forth with each of my parents and with each of my four brothers. At the end of all the conversations I am left silently praying "God, HELP!" It is moments like these that I really am struck by my lack of wisdom and knowledge of what to do, how to help. But the scriptures talk over and over about when we lack wisdom. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:5). I am finding myself humbled in this situation and truly needing to lean on God's grace and goodness to solve the issues in my family. Thankfully, God hears our prayers and is working out His will in each of our lives.
I am 26, but still often feel like I am still in the process of learning what it means to be an adult and how to be healthfully differentiated from my family. This process is painful, as it is stripping away things that I held/hold dear and that I clung to as a safety net. It is also a precious process as it is causing me to turn towards the Lord more and more as my safe haven, my Rock and my Shelter.
I've always thought of God as being on the throne in Heaven and though I am joyful to be there, I am also at the back of the crowd...so very far from His immediate presence. I am not sure where or when I developed that mental picture, but I am realizing just how not true that image is! God created me, not because He needed another person to fill the earth, but because He loves me and desires an intense relationship with me. He desires to have that relationship both now and in Heaven. What is the point of Him being omnipresent if it wasn't to BE with me along every step of the road?!
So tonight I am continuing to pray and seek the Lord for wisdom, comfort and grace. If I seek Him with my whole heart, He WILL be found. What an amazingly wonderful thing that is. It is so ironic that the more I learn, the more I realize just how little I really do know. If you happen to think of me in the next few days, just say a prayer for my family. That God would give clarity and somehow intervene in what seems like impossible situations. Nothing is too small for God, this I know. My baby boy that is about to be born is an oh-so-clear testimony to that fact. I am tremendously grateful for such an obvious reality of God's faithfulness in my life.
Starting with the suicide of my uncle earlier this month my family has seemed to have one crisis after another. I've spent hours on the phone back and forth with each of my parents and with each of my four brothers. At the end of all the conversations I am left silently praying "God, HELP!" It is moments like these that I really am struck by my lack of wisdom and knowledge of what to do, how to help. But the scriptures talk over and over about when we lack wisdom. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:5). I am finding myself humbled in this situation and truly needing to lean on God's grace and goodness to solve the issues in my family. Thankfully, God hears our prayers and is working out His will in each of our lives.
I am 26, but still often feel like I am still in the process of learning what it means to be an adult and how to be healthfully differentiated from my family. This process is painful, as it is stripping away things that I held/hold dear and that I clung to as a safety net. It is also a precious process as it is causing me to turn towards the Lord more and more as my safe haven, my Rock and my Shelter.
I've always thought of God as being on the throne in Heaven and though I am joyful to be there, I am also at the back of the crowd...so very far from His immediate presence. I am not sure where or when I developed that mental picture, but I am realizing just how not true that image is! God created me, not because He needed another person to fill the earth, but because He loves me and desires an intense relationship with me. He desires to have that relationship both now and in Heaven. What is the point of Him being omnipresent if it wasn't to BE with me along every step of the road?!
So tonight I am continuing to pray and seek the Lord for wisdom, comfort and grace. If I seek Him with my whole heart, He WILL be found. What an amazingly wonderful thing that is. It is so ironic that the more I learn, the more I realize just how little I really do know. If you happen to think of me in the next few days, just say a prayer for my family. That God would give clarity and somehow intervene in what seems like impossible situations. Nothing is too small for God, this I know. My baby boy that is about to be born is an oh-so-clear testimony to that fact. I am tremendously grateful for such an obvious reality of God's faithfulness in my life.
Monday, June 15, 2009
35 and counting
Dear Son,
We've only 35 days left till you are supposed to come out and meet the world around you. I have to admit, I hope you make your appearance in less days than that. Partially because I am DYING to meet you and see your little face...but also because you have a mean punch to my ribs that is getting a bit painful. I am having a really hard time getting up from bed or off the couch, and before now I didn't know that it was possible to use the ladies room almost on an hourly basis (maybe that is why they make TP with lotion and aloe in it?!).
This weekend we are going up to your Grandma Campbell's house in Wichita so that she can throw a shower for you. Little boy, let me tell you...she is one VERY excited lady that you are on her way. She has bought waaaaay more stuff for you than your own momma has. I am pretty sure that you will be able to twist her arm to get you whatever you want for Christmas. I'm going to have to make sure you don't exploit that as you get older. :-)
Your dad and I are still so far away from having an agreement on a name for you. We keep procrastinating becuase no name seems quite right and secretly we keep hoping that it will just "come" to us. If you have to remain nameless for a few hours after you are born, I apologize. We'll do our best to give you a name that is fun but not stupid. I hope you won't judge us later on.
We haven't set up your crib yet, but that is on this weeks to-do list. Your dresser arrived and is alreay full of little outfits and blankets. All I need is the rocking chair and to hang some things on the walls and then your room will be ready for you. I think I may need to find a rug to go on the floor so that your dog, Pooka, can lay beside you and keep an eye on you. I know that he is going to love you SO much...maybe too much?! We'll have to work on not letting him lick you. Please be patient with him.
Well son, we are praying for you. That God will keep you healthy and strong over the next few weeks and that your arrival will go smoothly. Know that when you get here you have two VERY excited parents to hug and kiss you.
All my love,
Mom
We've only 35 days left till you are supposed to come out and meet the world around you. I have to admit, I hope you make your appearance in less days than that. Partially because I am DYING to meet you and see your little face...but also because you have a mean punch to my ribs that is getting a bit painful. I am having a really hard time getting up from bed or off the couch, and before now I didn't know that it was possible to use the ladies room almost on an hourly basis (maybe that is why they make TP with lotion and aloe in it?!).
This weekend we are going up to your Grandma Campbell's house in Wichita so that she can throw a shower for you. Little boy, let me tell you...she is one VERY excited lady that you are on her way. She has bought waaaaay more stuff for you than your own momma has. I am pretty sure that you will be able to twist her arm to get you whatever you want for Christmas. I'm going to have to make sure you don't exploit that as you get older. :-)
Your dad and I are still so far away from having an agreement on a name for you. We keep procrastinating becuase no name seems quite right and secretly we keep hoping that it will just "come" to us. If you have to remain nameless for a few hours after you are born, I apologize. We'll do our best to give you a name that is fun but not stupid. I hope you won't judge us later on.
We haven't set up your crib yet, but that is on this weeks to-do list. Your dresser arrived and is alreay full of little outfits and blankets. All I need is the rocking chair and to hang some things on the walls and then your room will be ready for you. I think I may need to find a rug to go on the floor so that your dog, Pooka, can lay beside you and keep an eye on you. I know that he is going to love you SO much...maybe too much?! We'll have to work on not letting him lick you. Please be patient with him.
Well son, we are praying for you. That God will keep you healthy and strong over the next few weeks and that your arrival will go smoothly. Know that when you get here you have two VERY excited parents to hug and kiss you.
All my love,
Mom
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
sadness
Tonight my dad called with the news that my Uncle Don has been missing since Saturday morning. My Aunt Cathy is guessing that it was suicide, but there is no trace of his body or his truck. Apparently he has been depressed for a while and has been on meds. I am not sure when the police will decide that it really was suicide and what happens then. I cannot imagine what my aunt is going through. They had been married for 35+ years and to have your husband leave without saying goodbye, not even through a letter, is a terrible feeling. This is my third family member to die within the last week, though the other two deaths were expected. Because all my extended family lives in Canada and I haven't seen them much in the past 10/15 years, I feel very detached from the whole situation. I care, I love, I grieve, but there are not many tears...and at least for tonight, that is ok with me.
I am a person that is not very familiar with death. My Grandfather passed away 2 years ago this July, but I wasn't able to go to the funeral. Again, I cared and loved and grieved, but didn't cry very much. I am also a person who likes to remember the good in people, and the memories that make me smile. Each of us has our "dark" sides, but I would rather look back at the fond times I spent with my family and remember them for the grins they put on my face.
So, in honor of my Uncle Don Powell...here are a few of my favorite memories:
- standing in his garage next to the large bag of dried kelp and munching away on it. It always left a funny salt/fishy taste in your mouth, but apparently it puts hair on one's chest (though I never got any of that...thankfully!).
- Riding on top of his shoulders
- Sitting on his lap and him reading me a story
- The fact that he refused to miss his "Lizzy's" wedding
- Racing around Toronto in his big boat of a car as we got things ready for his daughter's wedding
- His big laugh and his slight lisp
- How he showed me exactly how to squeek cheese curds with my teeth
- Cracking open my first lobster tail with him
- I never saw him wear anything but a plaid shirt
- He gave some of the biggest hugs ever!
Tonight my prayer is that my Aunt Cathy will find rest, peace and sleep. That morning will bring some sort of closure of knowing what has happened to him. That my cousins will be able to grieve and lean on each other. That God will bring restoration and grace upon their home. That Uncle Don may be at peace, whether his is still alive or if he has passed. That my family will know how to support and love on Aunt Cathy.
You know, God is still GOOD! I know that somehow He is going to take these ashes and create something beautiful, becuase that is His nature. I am glad that at the end of the day, when it is just me, my pillow, and the darkness that surrounds me, that God is there to hold me close and whisper His words of love. He does that if I am filled with happiness or with sadness. Tonight, I am especially thankful for that fact.
I am a person that is not very familiar with death. My Grandfather passed away 2 years ago this July, but I wasn't able to go to the funeral. Again, I cared and loved and grieved, but didn't cry very much. I am also a person who likes to remember the good in people, and the memories that make me smile. Each of us has our "dark" sides, but I would rather look back at the fond times I spent with my family and remember them for the grins they put on my face.
So, in honor of my Uncle Don Powell...here are a few of my favorite memories:
- standing in his garage next to the large bag of dried kelp and munching away on it. It always left a funny salt/fishy taste in your mouth, but apparently it puts hair on one's chest (though I never got any of that...thankfully!).
- Riding on top of his shoulders
- Sitting on his lap and him reading me a story
- The fact that he refused to miss his "Lizzy's" wedding
- Racing around Toronto in his big boat of a car as we got things ready for his daughter's wedding
- His big laugh and his slight lisp
- How he showed me exactly how to squeek cheese curds with my teeth
- Cracking open my first lobster tail with him
- I never saw him wear anything but a plaid shirt
- He gave some of the biggest hugs ever!
Tonight my prayer is that my Aunt Cathy will find rest, peace and sleep. That morning will bring some sort of closure of knowing what has happened to him. That my cousins will be able to grieve and lean on each other. That God will bring restoration and grace upon their home. That Uncle Don may be at peace, whether his is still alive or if he has passed. That my family will know how to support and love on Aunt Cathy.
You know, God is still GOOD! I know that somehow He is going to take these ashes and create something beautiful, becuase that is His nature. I am glad that at the end of the day, when it is just me, my pillow, and the darkness that surrounds me, that God is there to hold me close and whisper His words of love. He does that if I am filled with happiness or with sadness. Tonight, I am especially thankful for that fact.
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