some challenges of mine

You know, it never ceases to amaze me at how God brings such great blessings and great trials at the same time. I think the blessings offset the trials, and I am trying to learn to be mindful of the daily "little" blessings that I tend to overlook during the "monstrosity" of my trials. The past few weeks have brought me both...

Trails:
Work. I think that when God created Adam and gave him a job that Adam truly enjoyed his job. But then, who wouldn't love hanging out with animals all day?! For me though, my job has been increasingly difficult and full of conflict and tension. It isn't that my actual work is all that hard. Sometimes I find myself short of patience with families that I work with, but on the whole it isn't that taxing to the mind or soul. However, in the past few months and especially the past few weeks my boss has taken quite a toll on me. I struggle with his micro-management style and his belittling demeanor. I know that his heart is in the right place (most of the time), but at the end of the day, I often walk out of my office feeling less than two inches high and second guessing every decision that I made. He oversteps the boundary lines of personal and professional life continually which has become profoundly infuriating. I find myself just thinking of retorts to his ridiculous demand. That is NOT how I want to live! I am praying for God to give me grace and patience, but also the guts to confront him.

Home. So, in preparing for this child to arrive, Jason and I have looked at our budgets and decided that it would be wise for us to sell our house this Spring. We will most likely move into a rental place while we build a smaller home. We learned a lot by building this home, and paid through the nose for it too. It is terribly bittersweet. We built this house as an investment and if all goes as planned, it should pay off. But, we poured so much effort, love and sweat and many tears into this home. It brought much grief and much joy at the same time. It is also saddening to think of not really putting together a nursery right away. I had in my mind a picture of how I was going to decorate one of our guest rooms and turn it into a fun baby room (granted, I have still only come up with ideas for a boy, so if it is a girl I will have some problems). It is a lot of transition, but we feel good about it and know that this is the right step.

Friendships. The past two months have been super busy and though on the Meyers-Briggs I am an extreme ENFP, I have never felt so introverted in my life. I haven't returned phone calls like I should, I have just kind of hid away in my house. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I feel lonely. And hiding is safer than just admitting that I am struggling with that area of my life. I miss two dear friends that both moved away about 2 years ago. If I could pack myself up and move to Muskogee or Nashville, I would! This past weekend though I came to realize that this is still the situation I am in and there really ARE great people that live in my town and that I DO really enjoy spending time with. I need to quit hiding and make an effort. Chances are that someone else needs some friends as much as I do.

Perpetual Tiredness. I have entered the phase of pregnancy where really only 11 hours of sleep a night, coupled with at least one 2 hour nap will make me feel like I am not a zombie. I don't want to be so tired ALL the time. I keep thinking, this is only the beginning of the lack of sleep...I better learn how to cope with it. Stinks though that coffee, at least the caffinated version of it, should be avoided during pregnancy. That would surely help!

BLESSINGS.

Baby. I am now in the middle of 15 weeks. We will find out at the end of February if it is a boy or a girl. I am totally thrilled that this little child is on its way. It is zapping me of all my energy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I saw a 3 month old the other day and thought "I will soon have my own to hold". My belly is starting to really pop out. Monday was my first official day of wearing pregnancy pants. I didn't know that these things were so comfy! Why doesn't everyone have pants like this? No domes or buttons or zippers. Good stuff I dare say! This week our babe is the size of an apple. He/she has put on a WHOLE once since last week.

Co-workers. I have been totally blessed to work with two friends, who also happen to be pregnant. It is so fun to be able to spend my days with these girls. I will miss them greatly when they give birth next month, but am totally excited to meet their sweet babies. Also, I have about 8 students that work for me and they are SO fun and I enjoy getting to be a part of their lives. though I will not miss work at ALL when I quit this May...I will sorely miss interacting with those students on such a frequent basis.

Spring. Yes, I know that it is only mid-January. But, I feel like I have been suffering from a bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Today I went to the grocery store and saw pints of luscious ruby red strawberries. I refused to pay the $4.00 for a pint, but, it did give me hope that all the good things of Spring and Summer will shortly be on their way. I can't wait for flowers and gardens and green grass and walking barefoot in the creek.

School. Although sitting in class for almost 6 hours straight every Tuesday night can make concentrating a little hard, I think it is going to be a really good semester. I am taking Family Sexuality this semester, along with Psychopharmocology. Who wouldn't like taking classes on sex and drugs in the same night? Good times my friends...good times. ;-)

Husband. I really did marry my best friend and I am still honored to be his wife. Sometimes he drives me crazy when he turns EVERY sock inside out when he takes them off, or when his motto of "if it's worth doing, then it's worth over-doing" is taken a little to the extreme. But, he comes home every night and kisses me and says that he is thankful that he married me. We don't always see eye to eye, and we did have a spat last weekend, however...I wouldn't trade spending my life with him. God knew that I needed him, and that he needed me. It is nice to be needed.

God. This really shouldn't be the last on my list. It really is through the struggles that we turn to God and say "Dad, I need your help right now". I feel like I am growing in my journey of learning how to be reliant on Him. I see His blessings all day long and I am humbled by His love for me. I am reading through Exodus right now and I don't want to be an "Isrealite" who grumbles and complains at God despite the immense goodness that He has/is pouring out on me.

Ok....so there are some of the thoughts/things that have been rattling around my mind and soul for the past few weeks. God is good. I really DO promise to post pictures, but I am too tired to get up and go find the camera.